Judging

I wrote an earlier post on speaking the truth to those around you. (Truth.) To me this coincides with judgement. I've been praying a lot about this for the last several months. I feel like the Holy Spirit has revealed big areas where I am extremely judgmental toward others. I keep it to myself most of the time but I know it slips out. Sometimes it feels good in the moment, as if I'm "venting" to someone. Venting, sharing, gossiping....it's all judgment when I get down to the root. As I continued to pray my heart and point of view be changed God showed up in numerous ways.

1. I know people judge me....and I'm tired of it because usually it's a very misinformed view they have of what's going on in my life. So perhaps I don't know what's going on in others' lives. And even if I did, is it important to focus on those things?

2. For most  some things in life, there is no one right way to do things, although there are definite ways to NOT do things. Those ways would include abusing, or being destructive to, yourself or those around you. Parenting decisions like: educating, feeding or disciplining your children, spending money, being successful, serving others.....

I went through a great devotional by Beth Moore in her James Study here are a few important ideas: In reference to James 4:11-12

-- "Nothing muffles conviction as effectively as entitlement. The mind-set morphs something like this: I am created in the image of God --> I represent God. --> I am Junior God. --> I am like God." Wow is that dangerous or what?

-- Matthew 7:1-2 "do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

-- Romans 2:1-2 "You therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth."

-- God alone knows the origins of our wrecked-up emotions.....We have to bend our knees and go eyes-to-the-skies and say, 'God you alone know. You alone please lead.'"

-- "Then where on earth is the line? The harder but most biblically appropriate answer is seeking to walk in the Spirit. True discernment breeds wisdom. Sinful judgment breeds a condemning spirit."

-- 1 Cor 2:15 -- " People who walk in the Spirit judge things...not people."


So, it's easy to think of those who have judged you and wronged you....but who have you wrongly judged?

Brain Dump

There are lots of things I'd like to blog about in depth but with so many thoughts whirling around I can't focus on just one. So here I will dump them in no particular order. 

Writing. I took a writing course about a year ago in order to work on getting some writing published and while it was a great course with lots of great information I was unable to have anything published. I didn't submit too many articles (they suggest articles before books in the course) so really I can say I was rejected maybe 4 times which is nothing apparently in the world of publishing. However, it's a dream I still have if for nothing else to say I did it. I haven't handled rejection well in the past and I feel like this is a good avenue to work on not taking so much personal in life. I hope to get at least one article published in the next year and at some point take the next writing course which will focus more on fiction writing. 

Kids. My kids have been sick every other week this year I think. I know they must be tired of it and I'm tired of it. They're both doing well overall. Emma is almost 15 months and while she's so close to walking she still won't attempt it on her own unless it's between Jon and I. I'm anxious to talk with her Dr. at her next appointment to see what he says. I also think her weight will be a problem because she's not even up to 17lbs yet so she's pretty tiny. Without giving her a feeding tube I don't know how to make her eat more. She can be pretty picky and easily distracted thus cutting her meals short. Her vocabulary seems to be taking off though. Obviously the context of the situation helps us understand what she's saying so most outsiders probably think she's just jabbering away but she's picking up on stuff. Hadley just finished up swim lessons and I think it was a growing experience for her. It took her the first 5 lessons to warm up to her teacher and then we had a few makeups we had to do with a different teacher and the next session meant a new teacher too so she had to learn to adjust to different teachers very quickly. While it wasn't without tears she did a good job and we hope she learned a good lesson about praying because we did that with her a lot before each swim lesson. She was a star when it came to floating on her back and got really good about putting her face under water. Anyway, we're done until next summer. I'll be curious to see how she does next year. 

Homeschool. I think most people who will be reading this know we have been considering homeschooling for the past 1.5 or 2 years. We've decided after lots of research, prayer and soul searching (mainly from me since I'll be doing most of the teaching) to move forward with it. I'll probably do a post at some point in the future about why we decided to do this but for now we're working on setting a routine and figuring things out. We're not doing any formal curriculum at this point but we're working on the days of the week and going through a devotional on the fruits of the spirit. I started out with this great calendar time notebook that included site words, word families and such but it quickly became too monotonous for Hadley. I think it was a combination of my poor  simple planning so we're working slowly to readjust it. I had some goals set in my mind that Jon and I had talked about for the year and I think it's important for her to learn the days of the week and the months of the year for now. Next year when she's 5 we'll look into starting more formal curriculum. I'm excited, scared, self-conscious....you name it I've run the gamut of emotions but we're trusting God to lead us on this adventure. We will be learning just as much as the girls I think not only in academic content but in character development too. 

God. I have had a severe thirst for God's word lately. I went to the Global Leadership Summit at our church and that doused the fire with fuel. I'm still working on a reading plan on my kindle that goes through the Bible chronologically and I've really enjoyed it. I'm finally in the New Testament and working to pay more attention to what Christ has to say about things. I'm still mulling over my previous post about truth and I haven't reached a conclusion. I'm sure it'll come as long as I keep seeking God's perspective. There were two main ideas I took from the Leadership Summit this year that I'll be focusing on in my daily walk and those are the influence I have on the people around me (that is to say influencing people to grow closer to God) and being courageous in following God (Joshua 1:9). "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” All this encouragement and thirst for God has brought Satan out in the open. This has been a rough week for one reason or another and at times I get an out-of-body glimpse and wonder why this is such a taxing week. It doesn't seem that much different than other weeks. Satan. He's caught onto my thirst for God's wisdom and a desire to do what eventually becomes counter-cultural in life and he's been working to destroy it. All it would take for me is a negative attitude and I refuse to give in. 

That's it for now...brain dump over. 

Truth

15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Ephesians 4:15-16


How do you speak the truth in love? I've never heard how. I've rarely seen examples of it (except in Jesus but he was a respected authority in regards to how God wants us to live our lives. Am I a respected authority in that? At which point will I become that?) I suppose it's encouraging to see people were extremely defensive when they were approached by Jesus as well. I've seen people respectfully share their opinions, although it's hard to say it's truth. I always shy away from speaking the truth, or my perception of it, for several reasons. One reason being we, as humans, immediately react in a defensive manner. I've done it and I've seen countless others do it. I also begin to question my motives. Maybe that's the "in love" part. Am I doing it to help a brother or sister grow closer to God? Am I doing it because I'm annoyed or frustrated? Am I doing it to expose an other's wrong doings or sin (and aren't we, as Christians, to expose each others' sins?)

All I ever hear is to offer grace of which I'm also working on. I do feel a responsibility to help others grow closer to God and speak the truth in love I'm just at a loss of how to do it. 

Have you done it? Seen it done? Had it done to you?

Edited 7/18/13
Now I'm wondering if my interpretation of 'truth' is not exposing areas in need of growth, but of the Gospel. We should be speaking about the Gospel in a loving manner. Maybe???

Emma @ 9 months

Emma had her 9 month check up this morning. It wasn't as perfect and as easy as others but overall Emma's in good health.

She's always been a quick eater and especially as she's gotten older she's become more distracted. Well her numbers show it. She has dropped to the 2nd% in weight so we are having to supplement. Most likely it is just my milk supply. It's all still hard to hear even with the 2nd kid. Yet again, I feel guilty like I've been starving my kid. Everyone comments on how tiny she is and now I'll just think to myself well that's because she's been underfed. However, she never complained like she was still hungry. I thought I'd handle it much better but I'm not, although I'm sure I'll be over it soon. It's partly frustrating because we only have 3 months to go but on the other hand at least we only have 3 months to go. It's one of those things I don't have a ton of control over. Thank God for formula! Ok I'm done with my pity party.

Emma also has an ear infection which we did not know about. She had not been more fussy than normal and when she did fuss one day I thought it was teething. She's had no fever and just a slight runny nose, although it had been clear. Weird.

She also has some nasty rash/scratches/.....we weren't really sure what it was on her lower back but we got some topical ointment for that. Thankfully her iron and vitamin D levels were fine.

It was just a crazy appointment. She's had such good checkups and now there were all these issues coming up at once, we were not used to that. So I'm grateful for all the check ups that do go well. I know we have a healthy daughter who is growing, just not very fast. :)

She's such a smiley baby and and so happy to be crawling around. It seemed like within two weeks she went from pushing her chest off the floor to sitting herself up to crawling. I'm wondering how walking will go.

Emma has her two front bottom teeth and it almost looks like some of the k-9's and such are getting close. I haven't noticed anything on top yet.

She is eating solids pretty well. She chokes down her veggies and is not a huge fan of a regular banana but so far just about everything we've given her she'll eat. Emma LOVESSSSS Hadley. Her big sister can get her to smile all the time! It's really fun to watch and I so hope they continue loving each other as they get older.

Stats for those interested:
Length - 28.25" (70%)
Weight - 14lbs 3oz (2%)
Head - 42.5" (15%)

The Girls

I figured I could do an update on the girls.

Hadley is growing up fast. We've felt like just recently her scope of understanding the world around her has expanded exponentially. She has been asking LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of questions even after we've told her we don't know a certain answer. She's interested in just about everything, but loves painting and cooking. She doesn't like to be left out of anything and loves to play with her friends. She's really into Caillou, Deigo and Dora and plays with them when she's not around her real friends. She also adores her little sister and always wants to help with Emma. Hadley's new talent is making up songs...just like her father. We bought her a kids devotional bible and have been reading it just once a week but she will remember so many details from all the stories and we love having conversations about God and Jesus with her. We've really been working on helping her cope with frustration instead of just sticking her in time out or ignoring her. People have asked if we'll be putting Hadley in preschool. At this point no. We are slowly exploring all options of schooling so that we can be well educated on all the different options and we're still undecided. We're constantly praying about where God wants to use her and Emma when it comes time to make a decision.

Here are a few recent snippets of conversations:

She will jump out from behind her curtains in her closet and say, "Hi everyone. We're going to have a show tonight," and proceed to sing and dance for us.

After a conversation on Heaven and going there to see Jesus and God:
H- "I'm going to take my bible to show them."
Me - "Show who?" (since we had just finished discussing a lot of people will be there)
H - "God and Jesus"
Me - "I think they'll like that."
H - "What kind of toys will they have there?"

Driving in the car I hear her singing: "Emma has to drive to church....what? what?........Emma has to drive to church in a car.....what? what?"

Emma will be 8 months old on the 21st!!! Ahhhh! I can't believe how fast the one year mark is coming. She is such a sweet little girl, however she is becoming more vocal in expressing her dislike of things. She is still a little unsteady when sitting by herself so we can't really set her down and walk away yet. She's getting really good at pushing up on her stomach and even a little on her feet so I think crawling will come pretty fast after mastering sitting. It's been difficult to not compare these physical milestones with Hadley's, as Hadley was sitting well by 7 months. I guess comparing is a never ending battle. She's a great sleeper, really no complaints there, even though it was a little harder,at least for me, to do the baby wise routine. But yet again it has proved a wonderful tool for our family. I finally dropped the late night feeding because it was interrupting her sleep and I think this set her up for a whole night of interruptions. Since dropping that late feeding she's been sleeping much better without many interruptions as little as they were. She will laugh so easily at Hadley. Most car rides are suddenly filled with both girls just laughing at each other for no reason at all. I love it! She seems to be a little more picky with food than Hadley was so we may end up having a tougher time getting her to try new things. Being picky definitely comes from me. She will snuggle sometimes so I'm soaking it up! Maybe that's why she's been a little late in sitting up. Her first tooth came through last week. One of the bottom fronts and its neighbor is close behind. She wasn't unbearable while it was coming through although she of course seemed to only want me when she was tired and a little more fussy in the evenings but with a little ibuprofen she slept just fine. We are so excited to watch her grow and feel blessed to have two wonderful little girls.

God is the Same Through the Ages

I've been reading through the Bible in a chronological order which I have truly enjoyed. It has unraveled more as a story of God rather than a confusing jumble of events for me. Once I finish I think I'm going to start it again because I know each time I will learn more and more. Yes, I have grown up in the church and my faith became my own in high school but 15 years later I am still learning more about my God. It's a testimony to the depth of God's personality.

Right now I'm working my way through 2 Chronicles, 2 Kings and the prophets as they all go hand in hand chronologically. I'm constantly amazed at the apparent stupidity of Israel and the chosen people God made them to be. They would hear directly, audibly from God and his prophets yet they continually, constantly, and without hesitancy turned their backs. Today people think if they actually heard God's voice they'd believe. I'm not so sure about that. But I digress.

The point of this particular blog is to focus on God's judgement seen in the Old Testament. Time and again when Israel turned away from God he would send prophets to tell them they were going to be wiped out, a plague would come to ravage their towns, their soldiers would be handed over to the enemy, you name it God would send his wrath to remind them he is their God.

So my question. Does God still do this to us today? I know with Jesus came a new covenant and grace but I can't imagine consequences and judgement are no longer a part of God's character. Do we have natural disasters, diseases, death as a result of God's wrath? Sure some of that is a natural consequence of sin. I have a feeling I've heard the answer to this at some point, which is no, God does not still send his wrath and judgement on us with Jesus' sacrifice. Thus the whole point of Judgement day.

Thoughts?

Repurposing My Habits

Repurposing is very popular now with furniture and antiques. Taking something old with a specific purpose and refinishing and even remodeling it for a whole new purpose. This is what I plan to do this new year with my habits. I'm not going to drop bad habits (as noble as that is) and I'm not going to create better ones, I'm going to take the good habits I have and do them with a better purpose.

I don't really make New Year's resolutions. It seems weird to me to wake up one day, which happens to be like most, just a different date, and vow to live better or do things differently. Why didn't I do that every day of last year? Each new day is a day where I should be saying, "Today I will live better. Today I will do things differently." I guess I don't place that much importance on New Year's resolutions because I know I might have days or weeks where I fail miserably and I don't want that to make the entire year a failure. I try to take one day at a time and if the next day is a little better than the previous I've succeeded.

Anywho, that said I do take some time to reflect and think about how I can be a better person and glorify God more. This year I want my habits to be repurposed. It's easy to say I'm going to eat better but my purpose is to lose weight. Perhaps if I repurposed my eating habits to be more healthy for my children I'd be more likely to work through the change. I'm going to repurpose my habit of relaxing (a.k.a. being lazy) not in order to accomplish more but to be a better steward of the time God has given me. I'm going to repurpose my prayer habits not because God invited me to pray but because I want to know Him more intimately.

I have a few other things in mind but it's a catchphrase I want to hold onto this year.

Did you make some resolutions? Do you keep them?

Taking Your Thoughts Captive

Something someone said on Facebook recently brought this verse to mind. Sadly, there has been a lot of negativity floating around Facebook what with the election and all. It gets so wearing to be around and even more so to constantly read about. Unfortunately, a lot of it is from Christians.

I understand negativity. We can't be happy all the time and to be honest I've often thought I was a glass half empty kind of person myself. I've lately been striving to look at things in a more positive perspective and working even harder to remind myself daily that God is faithful. 

That's not to say it won't take a lot of work on my part. In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says, "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." That's powerful and difficult. It's very easy to allow our emotions to control us, our thoughts, our actions and our outlook on life, but emotions are unreliable. So we are told to take them captive, we need to control them, and make them obedient to Christ and his reign.

I've learned quickly when I give in to my emotions and thoughts, more often then not I wind up focused only on myself and what I do not have. Becoming very discontent leads to anger, sadness, self-righteousness, bitterness....it's just unhealthy. It's more clear and urgent to me now because I have a husband and kids who are also affected by it. 

I hope during the holiday season you and I can learn to control our negative thoughts and feelings and align them with Christ's, where they are full of joy (not happiness but at peace knowing Christ is in control). But even more I hope we can make this a daily occurrence throughout the year. Our actions and words reflect our heart attitude. What's yours like today?

Nailed it!

I saw this on Pinterest and showed it to Jon. We laughed pretty hard for a few minutes and then I thought, "This is a great image of life sometimes."

We can have the best of intentions, with great ideas and seemingly beautiful results but when put in to practice, things turn out awful. I find this happening with parenting most often.

And when those moments happen I hope I can be the kind of person who can take a step back for a moment, humble myself and then laugh saying, "Nailed it!" Sarcastically of course.

Things happen and don't often work out the way I intend but I can't allow that one thing gone wrong to ruin my day or make me feel guilty. Life's too short for that. I must learn and move on.

4 Months

When Hadley was born I was doing a blog a month for those interested, mainly family, in her development.

I feel as though Emma is just getting short changed all around. She doesn't get the one-on-one time Hadley got with us. I stayed home more with Hadley to keep her on a good schedule and it worked SO WELL. Poor Emma gets trucked around with some semblance of a regular eat-play-sleep routine.

One thing I can say for Emma is she handles things like a champ. She hardly ever fussed in the NICU, except for when they were sticking her with needles. She really didn't cry much at home. When she woke up or was hungry she'd whine a little and we usually knew exactly what she needed. Just in the past three weeks she's started her "fussy evening" time. So we can expect at about 6:30-7:30 she'll cry and not much will make her happy. I know she's tired but she won't go to sleep. I seriously believe she feels left out with Daddy home and Hadley playing in the evening. So we just deal with it. We take turns walking her around if that's what we need to do. I know it's just a phase that will pass as she gets used to staying awake a little longer.

She had a great 2 month check up. The Dr. went over her stats, she was long and lean but growing great! She got her two shots which I think effected Hadley, Jon and I more than her. We had been working hard to at least get on the eat-play-sleep routine and for the most part stuck to it. I'd like to think that hard work of being consistent helped her sleep longer and longer at night but who really knows.

At about the 3 month mark she really started having long stretches of sleeping at night but her naps during the day were only lasting an hour, maybe. We started officially letting her cry herself to sleep. Here's the real kicker, we also started taking the pacifier away. We did not want her to be dependent on us helping her get it to fall asleep. I realize eventually she'd be able to get it herself but we just didn't want to even start that. I'd say it took about a full 4 days to be able to put her to sleep without any help from Jon or I or crying. I HATED LISTENING TO HER CRYING.  I think it was even harder the second time around. Don't think for one second that we enjoyed this but we knew it would help her, all of us for that matter, in the long run.

At this point Emma had been sleeping in her crib for a few weeks. Her naps were still a struggle and I knew 1 hour was not enough for her as she would not eat well upon waking, she'd just fall right to sleep. I read another mom's blog where she said for just one week she fed her baby twice in one hour before laying her down for a nap and that extended the nap time, so we tried it. And it worked. I'm not sure why. Emma never seemed like she was more hungry but I suppose that could have been the issue. Anyway, naps are going well now. She generally takes 3 a day. If we're home she does a 2-3 hour one in the morning, a 1 hour one around lunch time and then a 3 hour one in the afternoon. This means a combo of 2-4 hour stretches for feeding. I feed her about 7:30 at night, then do a "dream feed" again about 10 before I go to bed and Emma will sleep until 6 or 7am.

We moved Hadley into her room about a week ago and really overall things have been going great. I've been able to keep both the girls on the same nap schedule. I know we'll have a few rough days but they're doing well.

We'll take Emma for her 4 month check up this week. I'll admit, because of what we went through with Hadley not gaining weight when she was this age, I'm worried the Dr. will tell us the same thing with Emma. Especially now that we have her on a routine. I have checked her weight a few times at home and she's almost 13 lbs. if our scale works correctly which means she is in fact gaining weight.

She has laughed a few times which is so fun. Her eyes are still blue, she's sucking two fingers, just like her daddy did, with an occasional thumb for sleeping, she LOVES her big sister, and she just rolled over back-to-front today while laying on her play mat. I was in the kitchen making lunch and turned around to see her on her stomach.

We love her so much and are so blessed to have her!

Menu Monday

This week's theme: Turkey and Chicken

Monday: Turkey Meatloaf (One of Jon's favorite dishes so I hope this one turns out ok!) with garlic mashed potatoes and corn.

Tuesday: Crock Pot Chicken a la Criolla with rice

Wednesday: Turkey and Black Bean Enciladas with chips and salsa

Thursday: Baked Chicken Parmesan with sauteed zucchini and salad

But What About God?

I've been in a mode where I start to think about something, like "I'd like to move in to a bigger house where the kids each have their own room, I could have my own sewing room, and there's a place for Jon to brew his beer." And then I think, "but what about God?"

"I'd like to spend more time quilting and sewing." Then comes the voice, "But what about God? Doesn't He deserve more time?"

"I'd like to take the kids to________ when they get older.....but what about God? Shouldn't we be spending more money and time toward serving those in need?"

I spend time reading over blogs about organizing all our JUNK or spend time looking for new recipes and this voice inside me starts screaming, "BUT WHAT ABOUT GOD?"

I see people on Facebook and hear other Christians spout off the same ideals and desires. It's not that I think the two can't coexist. We need a change of scenery, a change of pace, so it's all about balance.

Ding! There's that catch phrase....we need balance in life. Yes, we need balance in life when it comes to a diet or we need balance in life when it comes to exercising or working or......since when do we need balance in life when it comes to God? Isn't He able to work through us at our weakest moments? Can't we find our rest in Him?

It's not like we need God half the time and then the other half we don't. While God gave us the sabbath and commands us to rest (thus taking a break from anything and everything) it seems to be a cultural thing that we take week long, even month long sabbaticals. I'm not saying we do away with those. What do I know? I've never been in ministry full time or on the mission field full time. Doesn't it seem like perhaps we've become too sensitive and easily overwhelmed when doing the work Christ has commanded us? Are we not relying on the Holy Spirit to be strong when we are weak?

Most of what I'm writing here are things I need to think through and examine but I do know that when we take our kids on vacation, we need to include God (as corny as that may sound). IF we move in to a bigger house, we need to use it to glorify God. God should not be put on the shelf when I'm not involved in a planned ministry event or at church.

Duh, Cara. I'm sure most readers are saying, but we certainly don't LIVE that way!

I've read the book of Ecclesiastes. I know there's a season for everything, but boy, how I love to use that as an excuse and throw around the idea of balance.

I'm not afraid to credit satan for his role in making me feel guilty, that's not what God is about. I know that. Perhaps it's God's way of getting my attention to spend more time with Him as I know I'm not.

What takes away from your time with God? How are you going to fix it?

Menu Monday....On Wednesday

I was inspired to share our menu for the week by another fellow blogger. I'm hoping if I do this I'll be more disciplined at actually creating a weekly menu. Although I'm a little late.

I discovered this blog, Skinny Taste, through Pinterest and have made several meals that the family loves. I then recently discovered she has a setup where you can save recipes to your recipe box and THEN you can print out a grocery list!!! I love it! So here it is, I've linked all the recipes.

Monday -- My brother came over and cooked us steak!
Tuesday -- Chicken Nuggets with mac n' cheese with broccoli
Wednesday -- Chicken Rollatini with Spinach Alla Parmigiana bread and salad
Thursday -- Loaded Turkey Nachos
Friday -- Slow Cooked Sweet Barbacoa Pork with tortillas

Our Friday night meal usually gets pushed to the weekend or the following Monday since we go out but I always plan for it and then plan in case we decide to have friends over.

Baby Emma's Birth Day

Emma Lynn was born on May 21, 2012 at 8:31pm, weighing 6lbs 15oz and 19 inches long.

For two weeks I had been dilating and getting strong, although not painful, frequent contractions. Emma was really low so it was apparent when she was ready it would go really fast. I had a Dr.'s appointment on a Monday and she said since I was getting closer to the due date that if I had 6 or more contractions (no matter the intensity) to call her. Well that afternoon I had 10 in one hour so I called. She wanted me to time them for one more hour and she'd call back afterward. Well as things would go they were just as frequent but because they had not increased in intensity she said to wait it out. That night I started vomiting along with other things and continued through out the night. I had no fever but decided in the morning I'd call the Dr just in case she wanted me to get checked out. She said just to treat it like any flu with lots of rest and liquids. However she asked about the contractions and I said they were just as frequent but still not painful. She asked me to come in again that Wednesday because the contractions were obviously doing something. Wednesday at my appointment I had dilated from 3 to 4. The Dr. just said to continue with the same plan as before otherwise she'd see me at my regularly scheduled appointment the following Monday.

Monday the 21st rolls around. I had had a few strong contractions but the frequency had dropped quite a bit. I was expecting to be at about 6cm and was only at 5. The Dr. was worried the labor would go so fast I'd deliver at home so she said I could come in that Wednesday and she'd strip my membranes. If that didn't work to start labor she'd break my water that Friday. However, when it came to contractions she said anything goes now. With about 8 strong contractions in two hours that afternoon I called her and she said to head on in to the hospital. Jon came home from work about 3:30 and my mom came over to watch Hadley, who was still sleeping. We left Hadley a note of where we were and headed out. Luckily, we made it to the hospital in time to take advantage of the valet service!

I felt silly walking up to labor and delivery without soaked pants from my water being broken or not being doubled over in pain from contractions, but alas, we proceeded. We checked in within about 30 minutes and the nurse began sticking me with all kinds of needles. My Dr. showed up at 6pm to break my water and I have never felt something so painful. Actually I'm not sure it was the act of breaking my water that hurt. I think it was her stripping my membranes followed by putting an internal monitor in to monitor the contractions better. Holy Cow! I was halfway up the bed and about to hyper-ventilate.

After my water was broken and the pitocin had kicked in I was feeling those contractions. The Anesthesiologist came in to just assess things and I told her I'd wait until I was about 6 or 7 (knowing things could progress quickly) to get the epidural. That took about a whole 20 minutes after my water was broken so we had her come back in. I could tell she was having a difficult time getting it in the right place but eventually we were done and I started feeling tingly. All my lower half that is except for a small window on the right side. within about 15 minutes I was in a lot of pain and asked for the anesthesiologist to come back and check. She mentioned she'd move it but there was a risk of the epidural slipping out completely. I wasn't quite sure which was worse but she went ahead and fixed things. Within about 15 minutes the pain subsided and it was glorious. About 15 minutes later my Dr. said it was time to push....the epidural worked just in time! The Dr. kept saying she was so close but then realized her head was a little cock-eyed so they had to get a vacuum to help straighten her out. Later the Dr. mentioned that was probably the only reason she stayed in as long as she did and I hadn't gone in to labor a week earlier.

I pushed for 20 minutes and two and a half hours after my water was broken Emma was born. Emma was all twisted up in her cord, even though her heart monitor never showed signs of distress, so yet another reason I'm glad we didn't have her at home. :) So when she was born everything seemed fine. She seemed alert and her cry was decent. One of the nurses checking her out later remarked that her breathing didn't sound right. They had a NICU nurse in the room for delivery just because I was at 37 weeks so she came back and checked her out saying she looked ok. After some visitors we tried nursing and she had absolutely no interest and was making a grunting sound. The sound seemed like normal baby noises to us but she was doing it constantly.

We were wheeled to our post-delivery room by my nurse and the same infant nurse who was concerned about her breathing. As soon as we got to our room they decided to take her to the nursery to evaluate her breathing and oxygen levels. Jon went with her thank goodness and I was left in my room for about an hour wondering what was going on.

When Jon came back (it was now about 1:30am) he was with my nurse and both informed me that her oxygen levels were too low and she was going to the NICU to have an xray done and be monitored. After lots of crying Jon wheeled me to the NICU so I could see her. With tears streaming I watched as they hooked my baby up to lots of tubes and tried to make her comfortable. We finally tried to sleep at about 3:30 that morning only to wake at 6 to go visit her again. Thus began our journey of having a NICU baby.

2012 Halloween Theme

Several people have asked about our next Halloween Party theme and I better figure something out soon before Miss Emma gets here otherwise I may forget. Besides, people are actually putting thought and effort into these costumes so we have to keep the momentum going. Below I've listed a few ideas I have and while I enjoy a good joke or two myself, if you have a serious suggestion please comment below. You can also cast a vote if you want by commenting. PLEASE REMEMBER: This is a kid friendly party so any suggestions that include violent or "scary" costumes will not be considered.

For those who are new to the scene here are ones we've already done: Nintendo, Dress up from the head up, A play on words.


Cartoons -- Come dressed as your favorite cartoon character

Celebrities -- Come dressed as a celebrity (we could be more specific and do a time period like the 50's, or only actors/actresses, only singers, etc.)

A Night at the Oscars -- You can either dress up really fancy or come as a fancily dressed celebrity

Blast from the Past -- Pick a time period and dress up to match (Not too keen on the 80's...it's too easy)

Heroes & Villains -- This is not just from comic books it can be taken from movies as well (Disney movies are one good place to look for these ideas)

Ok that's about all I can think of for now.

I'm Not Called

As Christians we often use the excuse, "I'm not called to go overseas." Clearly in Matthew 28 we are ALL called to go somewhere. Yes, we have different gifts but that doesn't mean we all have different missions. We say we can witness right here in our city but few of us really do. We use it as a cop- out.

Please, your thoughts on this. I don't think it's realistic for ALL of us to go overseas, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have a willing spirit and trust fully. How do we reconcile God's command on all of us to go with the idea of "not being called?"

Abraham was audibly "called" by God to sacrifice his son. He didn't want to. Who would want to do that? But he was willing and he fully trusted God in His crazy plan. So what if we haven't been so clearly called as Abraham was? Is it ok to definitively say God doesn't want us to go there? Should we step out in faith saying God has commanded us to do this and if He wants us to honor in him in a different way he will close doors? Or do we sit and wait for that clear calling?

How much can you spare? vs. How much is it going to take?

To continue some thoughts of serving the poor with our resources. I liked what the author said, "What would happen, I thought, if we stopped asking how much we could spare and started asking how much it was going to take?" (Pg130, Radical)


What a great approach. I know for myself I need to use the same approach with my time. We continually look for limits (as our group discussed in regards to missions also). We want to know how much we can do to get by and be in good with God. Yet we should be asking, "How much God? How much will it take for your will to be done? All I have is yours, take it as you see fit." As one person in our group shared, Abraham was a great example of this, willing to give up his son (not to mention God). Job lost all his family and yet did not curse God (Question, yes. Curse, no). 


Why do we hoard our money and our time? It is not ours to hoard! There are people who need what God has given us and we sit on it like we're waiting for that one special event. I often find myself saying, "God when you bring someone in to my day to serve I will do it." But I'm often not paying attention nor am I taking the time to seek these people out. What are we waiting for???!?! I believe God calls us to look for the people who need his blessings, monetary and otherwise. 


Luke 12:22-34 is a great reminder of how God takes care of the birds and how he loves us so much more so he will take care of us that much more. First of all I think people have to believe that God actually does care for them more than the fields of flowers or birds of the air and then there's that whole trust issue that he'll follow through with this promise.


I have to be honest, as I've already mentioned, I am very stingy with my time. It's been a roadblock recently for me in certain areas of serving. It's something I'm continually praying about and working on. I will also admit I don't have a problem, as of yet, with giving monetarily so it breaks my heart to see disciples of Christ who cling so tightly to their money. If we can't depend on God to provide our basic needs what can we depend on him for? Watching people like this is like looking in a mirror. If God wants me to serve he'll make it so I can do it. The funny thing is, he's already made it so I can serve where needed, I have just lost track of priorities. The same goes with money. For most Americans God has already provided what we need we've just lost track of priorities in how we use those resources. 


"Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

 Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

 And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

   “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

   “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

   “This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12:13-21)

What are you clinging to?

Serving the Poor

Again with our life group discussion. It's been a while since I've allowed God to push me in my thinking of how he wants us to live. In part, I'm thankful for this group of people who are willing to share honestly and challenge each other.

Reading through our current study, Radical, our topic of discussion was about reevaluating our possessions and wealth and being more generous toward the poor. God makes it VERY clear that we are to take care of the poor, orphans, and widows. It shows up several times in scripture. Naturally, the discussion centered around money. Jesus talked a lot about money and so that tells me it it's an important topic. God blesses some people with lots of money and expects all of us to manage what we have in a way that honors him.

One point that seemed to spark the most discussion was we need to have money to be able to serve the poor so we should manage our finances in such a way. I get that. As I read through the chapter I kept thinking is it wrong to manage our finances so when disaster strikes we have nothing to live on? Surely God wants us to have a savings. My only problem is nowhere in the bible does it say to save up our money. It reminds me of the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-28). Perhaps this was not the point of that parable but isn't it the same idea? God blesses us with stuff and by stuff I mean material and monetary possessions and out of fear of an emergency we run and hide our money. Just like the third man in the parable ran and hid his talents doing absolutely nothing with them.

I began to think after our discussion more about this. I really felt like I was wrestling with this idea of saving money in order to give to the poor. Here are a few thoughts the Spirit seemed to throw around in my head. Sometimes money is all that is needed in a situation but most of the time it's only relief. By relief I mean immediate, short-term help. By giving someone money for groceries I have met a long-term need with a short-term answer because once they run out of groceries they will need more and where will they get that money? Getting a car for someone is a great way to serve them and no doubt God has called people to do that, but again, what happens when that car needs repairs? Will this person be able to afford gas or insurance? Perhaps God will call you to support them in that way forever, although from what I've seen God do I think he'd be asking us to do much more than just give them grocery money. I also want to clarify we should not allow the details of the situation and long-term care scare us to the point of not giving. Just because we don't know how the person is going to pay for their next set of groceries doesn't mean we should not give. I think we need to be looking into the deeper issues though then just handing out money.

So how do we meet those long-term needs? It's like the old saying, "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him to fish and he'll eat for a life time." I know some people can't physically work so helping them learn a new trade in order to get a better job may not be the solution, but connecting them with resources that are better off meeting a long-term need like groceries might be better. Perhaps it has nothing to do with them being able to get a job but it has everything to do with them keeping themselves healthy. Just because we live in America doesn't mean Americans know how to live a healthy lifestyle. Being healthy could be someones answer to staying out of poverty. Simply knowing the language could help a poor person, whether it's learning to read and write or to speak the language. Knowing how to have functioning, healthy relationships. Developing a healthy spiritual and emotional life could prevent poverty. It's a holistic approach.

As Americans we often equate poverty with lack of money and on the surface, yes I would agree, but there is so much more to it than just money. And if as Christians, we stop serving the poor because we feel like we don't have enough money I wonder, number one, are we trusting God enough to lead us in to a situation where our total dependence is on him to provide what we AND the other person needs? And number two, what other resources do we have to support the holistic healing of this persons life to bring them out of poverty? Money has it's role in helping the poor but I certainly don't think it's the end-all solution.

What do you think? Do we have to have money to serve the poor? Is it irresponsible to serve those in need when we ourselves are barely scraping by financially?

Profile of the Lukewarm

"It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity." - Frederic D. Huntington, Forum Magazine, 1890 (Taken from Crazy Love by Francis Chan)


Seeing this quote was taken from a man in 1890 it shows the consistency of lukewarm disciples of Christ. It seems more appropriate to say lukewarm Christians as the term disciples infers so much more commitment. 


In my reading through Crazy Love by Francis Chan he has a challenging chapter of which I stole the title for this post. My recent posts were about being of the world and being relevant as discussions emerged through our life group's reading of Radical by David Platt. I was searching for specifics of what that meant. While this chapter is about us being lukewarm and not so much about being of the world I think it fits perfectly. It's clear God would rather us be on one end of the spectrum or the other in our faith than to be lukewarm.


"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see." Rev 3: 15-18 (NIV84)


God DETESTS lukewarm living. He'd rather me not believe in him at all than to live half-heartedly. Ok, well I think ultimately he would rather I follow him but the degree to which I do it should be full on, ready for anything, completely dependent and trusting in him. 


Here is Chan's outline of a lukewarm life:


1. Lukewarm people attend church fairly regularly.


2. Lukewarm people give money to charity and to the church...as long as it doesn't impinge on their standard of living. 


3. Lukewarm people tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict.


4. Lukewarm people don't really want to be saved from their sin: they want only to be saved from the penalty of their sin.


5. Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act.


6. Lukewarm people rarely share their faith with their neighbors, coworkers, or friends.


7. Lukewarm people gauge their morality or "goodness" by comparing themselves to the secular world.


8. Lukewarm people say they love Jesus, and He is, indeed, a part of their lives. But only part.


9. Lukewarm people love God, but they do not love HIm with all their heart, soul, and strength.


10. Lukewarm people love others but do not seek to love others as much as they love themselves.


11. Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.


12. Lukewarm people think about life on earth much more often than eternity in heaven.


13. Lukewarm people are thankful for their luxuries and comforts, and rarely consider trying to give as much as possible to the poor. 


14. Lukewarm people do whatever is necessary to keep themselves from feeling too guilty.


15. Lukewarm people are continually concerned with playing it safe; they are slaves to the god of control.


16. Lukewarm people feel secure because they attend church, made a profession of faith at age twelve, were baptized, come from a Christian family, vote Republican, or live in America.


17. Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they do not have to.


18. Lukewarm people probably drink and swear less than average, but besides that, they really aren't very different from your typical unbeliever.




WOW!!!! If you're like me I finished reading through this (he backed up every single item with at least two references to scripture by the way) and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Some of these are more prevalent in my life than others so does that make me a lukewarm Christian? Chan addresses this in the end of the chapter but he also challenges his readers to consider our current state and how we will no longer be lukewarm.


Which of the 18 items hits you the hardest about yourself? May you take a moment and have a real conversation with God about being transformed from Lukewarm to Radical.


"Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves." 2 Corinthians 13:5

Being Relevant While Being Radical

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2


I was hoping someone would read my previous blog and come up with some brilliant, clearly defined answer to my question of being relevant and radical. But alas, I will look to the scriptures. (That's a joke.)


After searching through some of the scriptures (it's possible I missed some) I came to the unofficial conclusion to be radical means to not partake in the sinful nature of this world. That seems pretty cut and dry to me. Sure we'll mess up and make mistakes but it's the difference between us trying and the world not caring. Titus 2 was a great chapter on righteous living. 


It [the grace of God] teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age. Titus 2:12


Just living a self-controlled life (according to our desires and sinful nature) and not giving in to what we think we need is living radically by our societies standards. Living self-controlled lives in regards to our marriages so that we can uphold the commitment is radical. As basic as these ideas are they are a part of radical living in our society and I guarantee people will notice. Sadly, it shouldn't take much to stand apart from the world. Using our possessions, or rather maintaining an attitude of not our's but God's possessions, to serve others. Isn't that radical?


Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 1 Peter 2:11


Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.1 John 2:15


What else? What other specific ways can we abstain from the sinful nature and stand apart from the world in order to bring God to the forefront?