Here are a few more things I didn't have a chance to add to my previous blog.
1. LISTEN. Be willing to listen to advice. You don't have to follow it but have a willingness to listen because you never know what you might hear. I struggled with this because I knew what I wanted to happen in being a parent and I felt like I had enough common sense to get by. I wish now I had listened more. I don't necessarily have any regrets about decisions we've made in regards to Hadley but I think having an open mind to other's advice and experiences makes you a better parent.
2. LAUGH. It's pretty easy for me most of the time, in fact it's how I generally handle stressful situations, whether that's good or bad is besides the point. Hadley had a melt down the other day getting into the car from the grocery cart and all I could was laugh. I practically had to hold her down so I could buckle her in the carseat. I then sat in the driver's seat and waited for her to calm down so I could finish buckling her in. People probably walked by wondering why I was laughing to myself in my car. When she threw full out tantrums on the plane I wanted to just laugh so hard. I don't always do it, but that's usually if I'm already having a bad day or I'm super tired.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
What I've Learned So Far...
I know it's been a while since I blogged but while I was getting Hadley dressed this morning a thought came to me. I remember not long ago talking about how Hadley wrestles us after a shower and while we get her dressed. I liked to refer to it as the alligator death roll because that's exactly what she'd do....twist her entire body while screaming. It was quite the scene. We worked really hard to remain consistent in making her stay on the changing table while we got a diaper on, lotioned (I know it's not a real word) her up, and got her dressed. Now, we don't really have any issues. She knows what to expect and we get it done quickly so she can get up and play.
So I thought, I've learned a few things thus far in parenting and I should write them down in case in the near future, or far off future, I forget them.
1. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY. I think teaching helped me get a head start in this (Jon seems to have a natural ability to do it) but keeping a very consistent routine and expectations, no matter how much Hadley protested, was, has been, and, I believe, will be key in her learning good behaviors. For example her getting dressed, I feel like the consistency in making her follow through with the routine has helped her learn we have to do these things and the more we cooperate the faster it goes. Consistency has played a huge part in sleeping, eating, and daily tasks like getting dressed. This is also the one we still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to correcting her bad behavior like scratching or throwing tantrums. It's not easy but I have come to realize how important it is.
2. (When kids start talking and understanding more) Don't give Hadley options when she really doesn't have an option. I realized I ask Hadley too many questions like, "Hadley do you want to go to bed?" She doesn't really have a choice when it's time for bed so why am I asking her like she does have an option? I want to give her options in life so she learns discernment, self-control, and confidence but sometimes as a kid she just doesn't get an option.
3. Say it once! I often thought counting, "I'm going to count to 3 and you better listen," or telling a child multiple times what I want them to do was ok. Now I'm starting to rethink this. I heard someone say you should only have to tell your child once and if they don't do it after the first time then you give out consequences. How much energy would we save if we only said things once to our kids and followed through with it? Would the kids also respond better? I think about the times pre-Hadley where I told students, "You have until 3 to get this done..." and they would take every second I allowed them. Deep down I was giving myself more time because I didn't want to have to discipline them. I see now that's really a selfish tactic. I realize with little kids you need to repeat things once or twice because their comprehension isn't quite there yet but once they are able to understand simple requests and commands I feel it's safe to ask it of them once and then give out consequences if necessary.
This works for us and WE'RE STILL LEARNING, we're not perfect in any of these. I realize it doesn't work for everyone, although I think it can work for most people. It seems to come down to if you're comfortable with your child's behavior and you feel confident in your parenting then continue doing what you're doing. If things aren't going well maybe you need to change something, but that's an assessment only you can make. Don't forget about consistency though. I've found being consistent and seeing results may take a month or two (the older they are, the longer it will take). I also have to think to myself, "Is this a battle worth fighting?"
What are some things you've learned about parenting?
So I thought, I've learned a few things thus far in parenting and I should write them down in case in the near future, or far off future, I forget them.
1. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY. I think teaching helped me get a head start in this (Jon seems to have a natural ability to do it) but keeping a very consistent routine and expectations, no matter how much Hadley protested, was, has been, and, I believe, will be key in her learning good behaviors. For example her getting dressed, I feel like the consistency in making her follow through with the routine has helped her learn we have to do these things and the more we cooperate the faster it goes. Consistency has played a huge part in sleeping, eating, and daily tasks like getting dressed. This is also the one we still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to correcting her bad behavior like scratching or throwing tantrums. It's not easy but I have come to realize how important it is.
2. (When kids start talking and understanding more) Don't give Hadley options when she really doesn't have an option. I realized I ask Hadley too many questions like, "Hadley do you want to go to bed?" She doesn't really have a choice when it's time for bed so why am I asking her like she does have an option? I want to give her options in life so she learns discernment, self-control, and confidence but sometimes as a kid she just doesn't get an option.
3. Say it once! I often thought counting, "I'm going to count to 3 and you better listen," or telling a child multiple times what I want them to do was ok. Now I'm starting to rethink this. I heard someone say you should only have to tell your child once and if they don't do it after the first time then you give out consequences. How much energy would we save if we only said things once to our kids and followed through with it? Would the kids also respond better? I think about the times pre-Hadley where I told students, "You have until 3 to get this done..." and they would take every second I allowed them. Deep down I was giving myself more time because I didn't want to have to discipline them. I see now that's really a selfish tactic. I realize with little kids you need to repeat things once or twice because their comprehension isn't quite there yet but once they are able to understand simple requests and commands I feel it's safe to ask it of them once and then give out consequences if necessary.
This works for us and WE'RE STILL LEARNING, we're not perfect in any of these. I realize it doesn't work for everyone, although I think it can work for most people. It seems to come down to if you're comfortable with your child's behavior and you feel confident in your parenting then continue doing what you're doing. If things aren't going well maybe you need to change something, but that's an assessment only you can make. Don't forget about consistency though. I've found being consistent and seeing results may take a month or two (the older they are, the longer it will take). I also have to think to myself, "Is this a battle worth fighting?"
What are some things you've learned about parenting?
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