I've had a lot of things on my mind this week so here goes....(since these are current events I am in no way intending to direct this at any one person or cause offense to anyone, seriously, I mean that.)
Why are women so insecure in their relationships when they were designed to be more relational than men? I often find myself insecure around other women. I'm too shy to talk to them, I don't always feel like I know what to say or what questions to ask, I feel like most women have other friends in their lives that they enjoy spending time with rather then hanging out with me, I feel like my thought process is not like the rest so the conversation may be awkward....I could keep going but what's funny is when I share this with other women, they feel the exact same way!!! Well most do anyways. I like to look back at my previous relationships and try to figure out if they're to blame, because it certainly can't be anything I did (kidding of course). I certainly have had my fair share of friendships that have not survived for a variety of reasons, most recently I've felt not important enough to even get a phone call or email from a friend. In past friendships I always felt like I was the one initiating everything and so got tired of making all the calls and in a sense "bugging" them, thus leading to a friendship diminished. Now being older it seems like it's harder to make friends. I want to hang out with the women that I'm friends with now but how do I overcome my insecurities and past hurts to just do it and not think that this new friendship might end like all those in the past?
Another topic.....group dynamics. I love it and I hate it! After growing up in the church and being actively involved in sunday school, youth group and now adult life groups I've seen many good things come out of these groups and a few bad things. When I was in the youth group I saw quite a few pastors come and go as well as youth coaches. I learned a lot about church...you go for worship not the people! People will always let you down. I saw a lot of people strive to work in the ministry and come to Christ! I saw a lot of relationships strengthened, marriages included, and I even met my husband in one of these groups! Lately, I've been semi-inspired to write a book about what to do and what not to do when creating and growing life groups, to the point where I've been writing down notes. I've fallen into leadership positions (or maybe I've put myself there, I don't really know) and while I like it and feel that "pastoring" is a God-given gift I also struggle to please everyone and that soooo doesn't work in life. I feel as though I've digressed here. My point... why can't people in the kingdom of God get along without hurt or offense? Why can't there be unity where we compromise and love each other despite the outcome instead of blaming each other? Why can't we stop complaining about the wrongs done to us and start actively loving others?
A little lighter subject....parenting. I love it! It's certainly difficult at times. I do feel my opinion on certain styles/methods are a little strong sometimes and I need to be aware of my audience, although, conversely, there are times I wish other parents would have mentioned things to me while we were preparing for Hadley. It's hard to know I guess when it's appropriate to say stuff and when it's not. I think this week I came to the realization that I'm paranoid about being a paranoid parent, that's not who I am. Uggh, gotta pray about that one! Anyhow, the girl is sleeping in her crib for the first time and it was harder than I thought it would be to put her in there but I think it will be better for all of us. The good news is she fell asleep just fine!
I think that's all for now, well I know there was more but I can't remember. Comments? Questions? Concerns?
