Addictions

It seems very prominent these days, maybe it's more tolerated or more socially acceptable to have an addiction and so people speak up about it. People joke about their addiction to coffee, particularly Starbucks. There are addictions to sweets, TV shows, collectibles, all of which seems harmless. Then you get in to the more serious addictions like drugs, alcohol, spending money, sex. Somehow we have attributed value to certain addictions and ignored the lesser offenses. According to the dictionary, here's the definition: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.


It seems extreme but do we know the hold those little addictions have over us? If your addiction to sweets is pushing you closer and closer to becoming a diabetic, is there severe trauma to your psyche? Eventually there could be to your physical state. I don't think I've really ever had an addiction to much of anything. I suppose it'd be extremely hard for me to give up everything sweet. We've tried to eliminate sugar from most of our diet in order to lose some weight but I certainly would have a difficult time giving it all up. What about the relationships these addictions destroy? Is that severe trauma? I think so.

Having had a relationship damaged by addiction I've had a new outlook on what it means to be an addict. I don't judge addicts anymore. I don't know what it's like to be so overcome with fear, hopelessness, pain, or sorrow to become a slave of an addiction. I do know what it's like to watch someone you love struggle with an addiction. As an outsider it's hard to understand what the addict is experiencing. What is so wrong in life that they risk physically hurting or even killing themselves, destroying relationships, losing all they own, and simply becoming a slave? As an outsider, you seem to go through a sort of mourning process. You become scared and wanting to help in whatever way you can (which can lead to enabling). You then become angry, wanting to leave the addict completely on their own (which leads to unforgiveness and not wanting to be graceful). I went through a time of feeling guilty, like if I had only done something different maybe this person would not have turned to the addiction. At some point you reach the grieving process. I don't think it matters what the start of the addiction was, how it manifested itself, or the result of the addicts actions, you grieve what was taken. Maybe it was the time the addict spent looking for their next fix, maybe it was the material items destroyed or even lives that were destroyed. Perhaps it's dreams that are now gone or even the addict who is now gone. The good part of grieving is you get to a point where you realize you can't change the addicts behavior. It's up to them. It's freeing in a way. At least it was for me because I tried so hard to figure out how I could make this person stop. Maybe there was something I could do or say to really make them stop and think about what they were doing. When I was 100% clear and honest with myself I knew I had no control, the addiction is so much stronger than anything I can do. Sure, I've set boundaries and boundaries can make a difference but it does not ensure the addiction will be conquered.

I've struggled often with how to respond. Several times I've wanted to cut off communication totally, but that helps me not the addict. It's the easy way out. I would pray and pray about how God wanted me to respond and time and time again, God said, love them. Just love them. I've set boundaries and will work hard to stick to those (it's really hard to do too.) But overall I will still love the addict, no matter what. Through this whole process I would try to put myself in their shoes. I understand it to a point, life can sometimes become bleak, painful, and be a heavy burden to carry. It's easy to find things which make us feel good so we can deal with the hard times. I get that. What I don't get is losing everything positive in your life for an addiction. So I will love them. It's hard to say what that looks like exactly. In the moment the addict may tell me that bailing them out of a financial situation would be loving, but I know that's only making things worse. Perhaps cooking a meal for them, or calling them and asking how things are going, maybe sending them an encouraging card. It's going to be different for each person.


I wish I had the answers to helping an addict or even to help those who are affected by addicts. God, obviously, is a huge answer and counseling is a good one too. The only answer I have some sort of control over is to love them. Their addiction is no worse than our rude behavior or bad driving habits, at least in God's eyes. And since God is the only one that matters when it comes to judgement and grace we need to give up trying to control the addict or their behavior and stop the condemnation and love them. If there was ever evidence of a natural inner desire to feel the love of God I think it is the life of an addict; the life of someone searching for something to offer healing and rest.