Confidence...it's the new black

Unlike the newest fashions confidence is much harder to wear. You can't simply pick it off the clothes rack and take it home with you. You can't use the excuse they didn't have it in your size, although confidence does come in all shapes and sizes. It's not something that comes and goes like bell bottom pants or polyester suits. Confidence can be worn, it can be designed, and it can be contagious just like those new skinny jeans.

It goes without saying, women struggle more with this then men. However, I have recently noticed a lot of men struggle with this but their struggle looks different and rightly so. For some people it's easier to be confident in who they are. I'm sure talking with a psychologist would bring to light a variety of reasons, a persons upbringing, their talents and abilities, their genes, etc. Dare I say a lot of us think we're confident in who we are and yet we are still defensive. I don't think defensiveness is a good compliment to confidence, just like a striped shirt should not be worn with polk-a-dot shorts. Becoming defensive means you're wanting people to see your way of thinking because you value their opinion (or maybe you just want to be right, needing people's approval), this is not a sign of confidence. 

I often wonder why some people look so good in certain outfits, yet bad in others. Or why some women can look pretty with or without makeup. Sure, some of it just lies in their physical beauty but we all know someone who exudes so much confidence it makes them attractive. There are times I pull an outfit out of my closet and think, "this outfit is not flattering on me," and then I'm tempted to put it back. Recently though I've really tried to wear it with confidence. If I think I look good in it, none will be the wiser. Does that mean I could walk out of the house in a striped shirt with contrasting polk-a-dot shorts and still look like a model on the cover of a fashion magazine? Probably not, BUT I bet I'd make it look better if I wore it with confidence.

Where is our confidence? We've all lost so much self-confidence I think we're looking for someone to be the hero of being happy with who they are, someone who is not afraid to try new things. So if one of us actually started wearing confidence would the rest of us follow? What if one of us showed confidence, one of us who was not sporting the all new fashionable look of what our society thinks is in? 

I think confidence can be extremely contagious. We need to stop worrying about what we've been told is pretty because in reality that's not reality. Reality is we are all different (elementary I know) so why doesn't one of us start to change the perception of what is beautiful, confident, good looking, great abilities and talents so the rest of us can catch the fashionable fever of confidence? 

Side note: One has to be careful not to confuse confidence with arrogance. They are not the same.

What makes you feel confident?

Complicated

I think Avril Lavigne got it right when she sang, "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?" except not in the sense of relationships, although it certainly applies.

We have made things so incredibly complicated for ourselves. Religion, education, government (of which I'm thankful for ours, nonetheless it's complicated), money. You can walk into a store and there are a million different types of window blinds, kitchen utensils, and appliances (I understand the economical reasons for the choices). If I had enough room to store every special kitchen utensil made, we'd have a house solely made up of a kitchen. I would have to organize them all by types of food you use them for. One end of the house would be where we prepare fruits only and the opposite end would be meat prep only. I imagine it would closely resemble an assembly line which might work out well for parties. But I digress.

I think anyone in or out of a religion can agree it's too complicated. Yes, I believe God is a being so incredible and full of wonder, he is everything beyond our wildest imagination but he has made things simple for us, love. I say simple, not easy.

Parenting, buying houses, retirements, diet plans, exercise plans, are all choices we spend so much time on. Don't get me started on deciding which cereal to buy, again economically a good thing, I know. I also know there are a lot of complicated decisions that have to be made. But where did this all come from? Modern technology? An increase in population? Medical advances?

Call me a full-fledged phlegmatic but I'd prefer to keep things simple, people seem to have survived on simple.

Reasons I feel old...

I don't understand some of the new fashions and trends, much like I'm sure my parents generation didn't understand things we did as teenagers.

1. Skinny jeans, especially skinny shorts??? I thought we all hated spandex so why are we trying to make jeans spandex-y. This also includes jeggings.

2. Planking. I can't think of an equivalent for this when I was in high school. Soooo...????

3. 80's fashions (shirts falling off the shoulders, leggings, side ponytails, etc.) Ok, so I know the 70's fashions came back for a bit and those who grew up with flower power probably didn't understand, but the 80's? They were awful when it came to fashion. I throw up a little in my mouth when I see pictures from the 80's.

4. Flat-billed hats worn sideways. I have nothing more to say about that

5. Loud music. This one especially makes me feel old. In fact I'm a little embarrassed to add this one, but recently I've heard music that is so loud you can't even distinguish the words or what instruments are being used. What's the point?

6. Facebook pictures consisting only of your face and not the actual places you visit. I know some people who go on great vacations and the only pictures they take are close ups of their faces smooshing together with someone else's. We know what your mug looks like, that doesn't change when you visit another place, at least take a few pictures of the scenery.

What are the kids doing these days that make you feel old?

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Parents are from Pluto

Our sweet Hadley

After talking with a friend about how we as new parents used to, and still do for that matter, handle things I came to the conclusion, we are weird creatures! Beginning with trying to conceive parents become so sure about how they want things to turn out. From there you have several possibilities, you either end up pregnant, you end up using fertility treatments, you go the adoption route, or you decide maybe things weren't meant to be. Any road shapes who you are going to be in the coming years.

Should you end up being parents you begin a long road of decision making, planning, dreaming, and opinion making. I have not met more opinionated people then those who are parents, including myself. I was never really opinionated about things in life, even those topics which don't pertain to parent-hood, until after I had Hadley. I often wonder though, are parents making decisions for the shock factor (i.e. to gain attention from others) or are they truly making those decisions because they think it is the best thing to do?

If you end up having a baby of your own accord or with fertility treatments you start with planning the birth process, whether to find out the gender or not, what to name the baby, or babies, and creating a nursery. These decisions are all necessary but we often meet at least one person who doesn't agree with a certain decision. We bring out the big guns, order the troops to the front line, and defend like we've never defended before. I remember when we shared Hadley's name with people before she was born you could tell those who thought it was a "different" name, even if they were not as openly objective as some. I became defensive with the first two people and then didn't care, it was our child, we were happy with our decisions so who cares what others thought.

Even with adoption you have a lot of decisions to make like which organization to go with, whether you want an open relationship with the birth parents or not, preferences on age and gender. Each decision is a big deal.

What's great is we all have choices and while it's easy to say one way is better than the other, as new parents do we really know? We've only had the experience once thus far. Even if we do things differently with subsequent children can any one person say their way is better, their decisions are better? Those decisions are better for that particular parent. Our goal as parents should be to raise healthy, responsible, kind adults so however we can accomplish this should be encouraged by other parents.

It's what's for dinner

I love when people share new recipes or their entire plan for the week, because then it makes things easier on me. So I'll return the favor.

This week's dinner menu for our family:

BBQ Shredded pork sandwiches with chips and salad (using the delicious meat we purchased at the fair this year)
Pink spaghetti (alfredo and spaghetti sauce) - from Leatrice
Ham roast with green beans and walnuts for a side and a spinach and pear salad. (Side and Salad recipe below)
Lemon Pepper Chicken and Veggies (crockpot recipe)
Chicken-Fruit Salad (we often like to have a big salad as the main course; recipe below)


Green Beans and Walnuts
(Taken from Weight Watchers One-Dish Meals)
1.25 lbs green beans, trimmed
2 tsp butter
2 tblsp finely crushed walnuts
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp freshly ground whole nutmeg

1. Place green beans in a large saucepan of boiling water; cook 5 minutes. Drain.
2. Heat butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add walnuts; saute for 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add beans, salt, and nutmeg; cook for 1 minute.
6 servings

Spinach and Pear Salad
(Taken from Weight Watchers One-Dish Meals)
Red-leaf lettuce or baby spinach are great for this salad.
2 tblsp water
1.5 tblsp red-wine vinegar
1 tblsp olive oil
1 tblsp honey
2 tsp Dijon mustard
1/4 tsp black pepper
1 Bosc or Anjou pear, cut lengthwise into 15 slices
8 C torn spinach
1/4 thinly sliced red onion


1. Combine first 6 ingredients in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk.
2. Place pear slices in a large bowl. Spoon 1 tblsp dressing over pears, and toss to coat. Add the remaining dressing, spinach, and red onions, and toss to coat.
5 servings


Chicken-Fruit Salad
(Taken from Weight Watchers One-Dish Meals)
1 (10oz) package Itailian-blend salad greens
1-2 chicken breast, cut up in strips
1 C blueberries
1 C quartered strawberries
1 C sliced banana
1 C sliced, peeled Kiwi
2 tblsp pine nuts toasted
2 tblsp crubled herbed goat cheese
Raspberry dressing.

Combine ingredients and divide among 4 plates. Drizzle with dressing.

Répondez S'il Vous Plaît

You know how it goes, everyone has been there. You get the party invitation, or maybe a wedding invitation, in the mail specifically stating an RSVP date. I'll get to this later, you think and hang it up on your fridge. Your relaxing at home on a Friday night and all of a sudden you realize tomorrow is the big event and you haven't said one word to the host about coming. As a guest, it's not really a big deal, most guests plan spontaneously, but as the host, IT'S A BIG DEAL!

I've done it several times all for different reasons, waiting to respond. Sometimes I'm not real crazy about the event so I wait to see if something better turns up. How rude is that? I've also just plain forgotten to RSVP, which seems slightly less rude. Other times I just can't commit, what's the big deal? There's also the time when another event is tentatively planned at the same time so I wait to see how things pan out. This one is definitely beyond the guests control most of the time. After hosting many more parties for our daughter, friends' baby showers, and various other gatherings, I've become increasingly frustrated with RSVP's, thus inspiring me to be a better guest.

Clearly there's a reason for needing guests to RSVP. I'd bet 95% of the time it is for the hosts to know how much food, supplies, or seats to have. I think that's reasonable, to ask guests to say 'yes' or 'no' a few days ahead of time. The other 5% of the time I'm sure it's just to see who is coming.

What's the big deal? Let's start with kid birthday parties. Most parties for little kids have favors or crafts. If you're anything like me you like to have fun, functional items as opposed to useless items for parents to have to clean up after. This takes planning (especially on a budget). So when I find out the day before a party that FOUR extra kids are coming, I have to figure out what to give them to be fair. Or I have to make sure I have enough craft supplies for each kid. It's tempting not to get anything for those kids due to their parent's inability to RSVP, but alas I don't want to punish the kids for that.

Weddings. I think this one is pretty obvious. Lots of money, lots of people, whoever is paying needs to know!

Any event requiring supplies, food, or reservations generally requires a head count. I've even given guests up until two days before the event and even that is too soon for some of them to make a commitment. Why? Why do we, as a culture, have such an issue with committing to things? Especially things our friends put on. We know we aren't going to be doing anything on Saturday night anyway. If you're really up in the air about whether or not you want to go, then just don't go and let the guest know.

Another aspect of RSVP's that is baffling is when guests give no response at all thinking they're just saying 'no'. The English translation of RSVP is 'please respond' so unless specifically stated guests should be responding with 'yes' or 'no'. If a guest hasn't responded then I assume they haven't seen the invitation so I start bugging them. This just makes it awkward for everyone.

I really feel this is a reflection of one's character, as silly as it may seem, and what they think of the host. Not responding at all seems to indicate the host is not someone the guests have respect for or waiting to respond seems to indicate a guest who is afraid of committing to anything. Overall I think it's selfish and I have been guilty of it.

Now I'm working on responding right away to things. If I can't then I let the host know and work to settle any issues that may be preventing me from committing as soon as possible.

If you're one of those late or non-RSVPers, like I was, I encourage you to be considerate of the hosts and why they're asking for a reply. They were kind enough to invite you to their big event, be kind enough to give a prompt reply. Maybe we should change it from RSVP to Please commit.

Luck, hard work, or naivety?

I'm not sure if we're just lucky to have a good kid, if our hard work is paying off or if we're just naive of what's to come if we have another. I feel like the hardest time we've ever had with Hadley was in the first 3 months when we were figuring out breast-feeding and sleeping issues. I don't say this to brag, because I have nothing to compare the experience to so I can't really say if it's our hard work. It'd be easier to identify the reason if we had another kid. I feel extremely grateful for how easy of a kid she's been thus far. I know it's only been two years but she seems to have a pretty good personality so I pray that continues on into adulthood.

I keep telling people I'm nervous about the next kid. It seems like fate would give us a tougher or should I say a higher maintenance, child should we have another. I could be completely wrong. Some people have said it's just because Jon and I are laid back, but they have to know we're not always laid back or that we're just good at acting like it.

These were just a few thoughts skipping around as I read through people's status' on Facebook or as I hear stories of frazzled parents. Sure we have our tough days where all Hadley wants to do is throw tantrums and frankly I'd do it right along with her if I didn't have to be the responsible one. Maybe it's all a matter of perspective. I tend to start laughing when Hadley is throwing a tantrum because I know how ridiculous, or funny, the whole situation must look to an onlooker. Maybe the first kid seems easier because most parents are in a state of bliss, sleepless though they are. Perhaps the second kid is harder because they already have an older kid to handle while raising a new little one. I don't know really. I've known siblings who were similar in personalities and I've known siblings who couldn't be more opposite. I guess, God-willing, when we have another kid we'll find out. Until then, I'll be eternally grateful for the sweet girl God has blessed us with.