I just saw a news story about a school in Vail being accused of not doing enough for the bullying issue. Now, because I worked in that district I can attest to the fact they do have a bullying program in place, several different approaches in fact. As a teacher what's more frustrating to me in the whole thing is how parents react.
It's sad for me to see a child being hurt by another child, even if it's not the technical definition of bullying, which is pretty obscure to begin with, teasing between children is not what anyone wants. As the parents become involved, as I think they should be, can only worsen the problem. Some parents handle it well while the majority flip out and become irrational, irresponsible, and ridiculous.
The parents in general are the ones who have asked for teachers and districts hands to be tied when it came to discipline. I certainly don't condone physical discipline in a public setting such as a classroom, however parents send mixed messages about how they think discipline should be dealt with. What is it? We're damned if we do and we're damned if we don't.
I can't tell you how many bullying issues I had to deal with and how many times parents thought we weren't doing enough, even after suspension. The school has a piece of responsibility in dealing with the issue that I believe. Essentially what it comes down to is the victim's parents would prefer the bully to be expelled and in some situations that's just not able to happen.
When you get to the heart of the issue it comes to parenting. Kids who are bullies often see that at home, perhaps there is a mental imbalance, or there is no guidance at all. Either way, something is happening at home where the child is not learning how to behave appropriately towards others, yet it is up to the school to parent.
Unfortunately this is how it works these days. Schools are expected to teach kids everything, behavior, education, how to stay healthy, about sex, about relationships, about religion or lack thereof.....shall I go on? What if as a society we called on parents to be responsible for actually raising their own kids? For keeping parents accountable when it came to teaching their children how to be part of society? Yes, I know some adults don't even know how to do this but there is the majority who do and yet constantly place responsibility on someone else. This is one of the laws I don't like public schools, it's very hard to expel a student from school or deny them attendance. There are a lot of issues here, like I know expelling them from school doesn't solve the issue for the bully but it would certainly be a wake up call for some families. Parents have to stop expecting schools to fix everything. Again, yes, schools have a piece of the responsibility, but it all begins at home and without support and a good foundation at home, schools don't stand a chance.
In short: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR KIDS
Can I get an Amen?
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
More of what I've learned
Here are a few more things I didn't have a chance to add to my previous blog.
1. LISTEN. Be willing to listen to advice. You don't have to follow it but have a willingness to listen because you never know what you might hear. I struggled with this because I knew what I wanted to happen in being a parent and I felt like I had enough common sense to get by. I wish now I had listened more. I don't necessarily have any regrets about decisions we've made in regards to Hadley but I think having an open mind to other's advice and experiences makes you a better parent.
2. LAUGH. It's pretty easy for me most of the time, in fact it's how I generally handle stressful situations, whether that's good or bad is besides the point. Hadley had a melt down the other day getting into the car from the grocery cart and all I could was laugh. I practically had to hold her down so I could buckle her in the carseat. I then sat in the driver's seat and waited for her to calm down so I could finish buckling her in. People probably walked by wondering why I was laughing to myself in my car. When she threw full out tantrums on the plane I wanted to just laugh so hard. I don't always do it, but that's usually if I'm already having a bad day or I'm super tired.
1. LISTEN. Be willing to listen to advice. You don't have to follow it but have a willingness to listen because you never know what you might hear. I struggled with this because I knew what I wanted to happen in being a parent and I felt like I had enough common sense to get by. I wish now I had listened more. I don't necessarily have any regrets about decisions we've made in regards to Hadley but I think having an open mind to other's advice and experiences makes you a better parent.
2. LAUGH. It's pretty easy for me most of the time, in fact it's how I generally handle stressful situations, whether that's good or bad is besides the point. Hadley had a melt down the other day getting into the car from the grocery cart and all I could was laugh. I practically had to hold her down so I could buckle her in the carseat. I then sat in the driver's seat and waited for her to calm down so I could finish buckling her in. People probably walked by wondering why I was laughing to myself in my car. When she threw full out tantrums on the plane I wanted to just laugh so hard. I don't always do it, but that's usually if I'm already having a bad day or I'm super tired.
Monday, February 21, 2011
What I've Learned So Far...
I know it's been a while since I blogged but while I was getting Hadley dressed this morning a thought came to me. I remember not long ago talking about how Hadley wrestles us after a shower and while we get her dressed. I liked to refer to it as the alligator death roll because that's exactly what she'd do....twist her entire body while screaming. It was quite the scene. We worked really hard to remain consistent in making her stay on the changing table while we got a diaper on, lotioned (I know it's not a real word) her up, and got her dressed. Now, we don't really have any issues. She knows what to expect and we get it done quickly so she can get up and play.
So I thought, I've learned a few things thus far in parenting and I should write them down in case in the near future, or far off future, I forget them.
1. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY. I think teaching helped me get a head start in this (Jon seems to have a natural ability to do it) but keeping a very consistent routine and expectations, no matter how much Hadley protested, was, has been, and, I believe, will be key in her learning good behaviors. For example her getting dressed, I feel like the consistency in making her follow through with the routine has helped her learn we have to do these things and the more we cooperate the faster it goes. Consistency has played a huge part in sleeping, eating, and daily tasks like getting dressed. This is also the one we still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to correcting her bad behavior like scratching or throwing tantrums. It's not easy but I have come to realize how important it is.
2. (When kids start talking and understanding more) Don't give Hadley options when she really doesn't have an option. I realized I ask Hadley too many questions like, "Hadley do you want to go to bed?" She doesn't really have a choice when it's time for bed so why am I asking her like she does have an option? I want to give her options in life so she learns discernment, self-control, and confidence but sometimes as a kid she just doesn't get an option.
3. Say it once! I often thought counting, "I'm going to count to 3 and you better listen," or telling a child multiple times what I want them to do was ok. Now I'm starting to rethink this. I heard someone say you should only have to tell your child once and if they don't do it after the first time then you give out consequences. How much energy would we save if we only said things once to our kids and followed through with it? Would the kids also respond better? I think about the times pre-Hadley where I told students, "You have until 3 to get this done..." and they would take every second I allowed them. Deep down I was giving myself more time because I didn't want to have to discipline them. I see now that's really a selfish tactic. I realize with little kids you need to repeat things once or twice because their comprehension isn't quite there yet but once they are able to understand simple requests and commands I feel it's safe to ask it of them once and then give out consequences if necessary.
This works for us and WE'RE STILL LEARNING, we're not perfect in any of these. I realize it doesn't work for everyone, although I think it can work for most people. It seems to come down to if you're comfortable with your child's behavior and you feel confident in your parenting then continue doing what you're doing. If things aren't going well maybe you need to change something, but that's an assessment only you can make. Don't forget about consistency though. I've found being consistent and seeing results may take a month or two (the older they are, the longer it will take). I also have to think to myself, "Is this a battle worth fighting?"
What are some things you've learned about parenting?
So I thought, I've learned a few things thus far in parenting and I should write them down in case in the near future, or far off future, I forget them.
1. CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY, CONSISTENCY. I think teaching helped me get a head start in this (Jon seems to have a natural ability to do it) but keeping a very consistent routine and expectations, no matter how much Hadley protested, was, has been, and, I believe, will be key in her learning good behaviors. For example her getting dressed, I feel like the consistency in making her follow through with the routine has helped her learn we have to do these things and the more we cooperate the faster it goes. Consistency has played a huge part in sleeping, eating, and daily tasks like getting dressed. This is also the one we still have a lot of learning to do when it comes to correcting her bad behavior like scratching or throwing tantrums. It's not easy but I have come to realize how important it is.
2. (When kids start talking and understanding more) Don't give Hadley options when she really doesn't have an option. I realized I ask Hadley too many questions like, "Hadley do you want to go to bed?" She doesn't really have a choice when it's time for bed so why am I asking her like she does have an option? I want to give her options in life so she learns discernment, self-control, and confidence but sometimes as a kid she just doesn't get an option.
3. Say it once! I often thought counting, "I'm going to count to 3 and you better listen," or telling a child multiple times what I want them to do was ok. Now I'm starting to rethink this. I heard someone say you should only have to tell your child once and if they don't do it after the first time then you give out consequences. How much energy would we save if we only said things once to our kids and followed through with it? Would the kids also respond better? I think about the times pre-Hadley where I told students, "You have until 3 to get this done..." and they would take every second I allowed them. Deep down I was giving myself more time because I didn't want to have to discipline them. I see now that's really a selfish tactic. I realize with little kids you need to repeat things once or twice because their comprehension isn't quite there yet but once they are able to understand simple requests and commands I feel it's safe to ask it of them once and then give out consequences if necessary.
This works for us and WE'RE STILL LEARNING, we're not perfect in any of these. I realize it doesn't work for everyone, although I think it can work for most people. It seems to come down to if you're comfortable with your child's behavior and you feel confident in your parenting then continue doing what you're doing. If things aren't going well maybe you need to change something, but that's an assessment only you can make. Don't forget about consistency though. I've found being consistent and seeing results may take a month or two (the older they are, the longer it will take). I also have to think to myself, "Is this a battle worth fighting?"
What are some things you've learned about parenting?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Follow up on Judgement
This past week in our small group Jon and I lead the discussion on James chapter 2. In verse 13 I was stopped in my tracks, only after the third time reading it.
"Mercy triumphs over judgement."
This is in context of showing favoritism. Not really the judgement I was talking about but it's along the same lines. Therefore, I believe it to remain true for my situation.
Two things I know for sure at this point, having mercy is better than being judgmental and God answers when you ask questions.
I still have more questions on how to handle my thoughts in this arena but this is a humbling moment on that journey.
"Mercy triumphs over judgement."
This is in context of showing favoritism. Not really the judgement I was talking about but it's along the same lines. Therefore, I believe it to remain true for my situation.
Two things I know for sure at this point, having mercy is better than being judgmental and God answers when you ask questions.
I still have more questions on how to handle my thoughts in this arena but this is a humbling moment on that journey.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Judgement
This is a difficult subject for me to wrap my head around. I feel like I do it a lot, unfortunately. At the same time I'm not sure of the true definition. I can look at someone and observe their behavior and draw a conclusion about the kind of person they are. Is this judgement? I'd think so. Maybe it's not fair to draw a conclusion about some one's personality based on a brief observation. On the other hand I'd say it's merely an observation.
Perhaps it's what I do with that observation.
Sometimes judgement gets muddled with annoyance, criticism, irritation, and conflicting personalities. All of which are sinful or can cause me to act in a sinful manner.
Lots of scripture comes to mind when I think of Judgement. Two in particular stick out to me.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked person from among you." 1 Corinthians 5:12-13
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:36-38
So are we supposed to judge other Christians? Or not? What does it mean to judge others? What actions are involved? Certainly it should be done with love. I have no question about that. I'm not necessarily wanting to judge others, but I know, or rather think, I am doing it. Is it okay? If someone does something that bothers me am I reacting sinfully or is there something the person may be doing wrong? The previous question sounds arrogant. That's not my intention. It's an honest question. I am not claiming to always be right. I know I have many areas in need of improvement and I wish to surround myself with people who will tell me in a loving manner so I can become a better person. I don't always accept it gracefully, at first, but most friends can rest assured I take the comment to heart and prayerfully think it through.
I also don't feel like I act on a lot of my judgmental feelings or thoughts but to me if the act of being judgmental is sin, then the thoughts and feelings are equally sinful.
I plan to ponder this the next week through prayer and scripture.
Your thoughts?
Perhaps it's what I do with that observation.
Sometimes judgement gets muddled with annoyance, criticism, irritation, and conflicting personalities. All of which are sinful or can cause me to act in a sinful manner.
Lots of scripture comes to mind when I think of Judgement. Two in particular stick out to me.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked person from among you." 1 Corinthians 5:12-13
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:36-38
So are we supposed to judge other Christians? Or not? What does it mean to judge others? What actions are involved? Certainly it should be done with love. I have no question about that. I'm not necessarily wanting to judge others, but I know, or rather think, I am doing it. Is it okay? If someone does something that bothers me am I reacting sinfully or is there something the person may be doing wrong? The previous question sounds arrogant. That's not my intention. It's an honest question. I am not claiming to always be right. I know I have many areas in need of improvement and I wish to surround myself with people who will tell me in a loving manner so I can become a better person. I don't always accept it gracefully, at first, but most friends can rest assured I take the comment to heart and prayerfully think it through.
I also don't feel like I act on a lot of my judgmental feelings or thoughts but to me if the act of being judgmental is sin, then the thoughts and feelings are equally sinful.
I plan to ponder this the next week through prayer and scripture.
Your thoughts?
Monday, January 10, 2011
Mulling things over
I have a lot on my mind right now. For one our house is in a slight state of disrepair as we start the first phase of remodeling our kitchen. And yes, I do know I am hosting a baby shower this weekend. Someone (not you Katie) asked me if I remembered I was hosting a shower this weekend. Typically not something you forget. That was one reason we decided to go ahead with the first phase because it will make having the party a little nicer. Trust me though, for those who have never visited our house, you will hardly be able to tell anything was done. It's a bit of a long story but it should have been done last week, ahhh the joys of remodeling. I am totally excited for the new kitchen though, it's going to be pretty awesome if I do say so myself. Phases 2 & 3 will start after our trip to Costa Rica so probably early to mid February. This will include new flooring and new cabinets/countertops. Hadley and I have essentially been living in the two bedrooms since our living room, dining room and kitchen have all been under plastic for the last week. It's really not that bad until the guys come to work and then we have to stay in the rooms.
My friend Leatrice is out of the hospital and healing. Praise God for that miracle!
My heart and mind are trying to push down the thoughts my spirit wants to dwell on, which is "how are you honoring God with your life?" Ughhh. Since the struggles with the different ministries I've really been questioning where Jon and I are as a family and where we are as individuals. What we are doing to serve Jesus. I'm looking forward to some time to talk this over with Jon, perhaps on the beach in Costa Rica. :) I'm thinking of joining a Thursday morning bible study to spur on these questions and thoughts.
Finally, at least for this post, this weekend's events of the shootings have brought up a lot of discussion. I will be honest up front, I feel somewhat disconnected from the whole thing and haven't felt real sad about it. Let me explain. I understand the seriousness of it and certainly have sympathy for those involved or affected. However, I think I have placed this with all the other mass shootings and events that have happened in recent years. It's tragic, but not having known or met any of the people involved it's hard to associate with it. People have made comments about how they never expected anything like this to happen in Tucson and this irritates me. Yes, it's shocking but sadly, not unbelievable. There are evil people in this world who will do awful things and they are every where. Do you think the residents of Lancaster, PA ever thought someone would open fire on a bunch of people in an Amish school? I'll tell you what is encouraging about this, most people seem to believe that we are all innately good. It's so shocking because it's hard for us to imagine someone would want to cause hurt to others like this. If we are made in the image of God we should be innately good. It's been strange to see some people believed the nation should be grieving in a similar fashion to us in Tucson. Did Tucson grieve the same as those in Lancaster?
I repeat, this is a very tragic event and I have a lot of sympathy for those who were affected by this, especially the 9 year old girl whose life was taken as well as the family of the shooter. The shooter's family must also be grieving as they have experienced a sense of loss themselves. I personally have not connected emotionally with this as so many others have. I simply don't see how this particular situation deserves more sympathy or recognition than any other mass shooting as so many have portrayed (intentionally or not). Especially as disciples of Christ, we should be mourning for all who lose their life for they are each precious to God.
One friend asked the question, "What do we do now?" (in the face of flying accusations towards political parties, protests at funerals, pointing fingers at the public education system, or gun laws). We pray. We can blame, accuse, and point fingers all we want but we are missing the point. Evil will happen despite the laws, despite the education system, despite extra security. We need to be loving those who seem unlovable and we need to be praying for those who need it. To be honest my heart breaks for the shooter. Whether it's genetics that has caused a mental disorder or perhaps a life of anger and hatred could things have been different if he had been loved by someone around him? Had anyone truly, lovingly, and kindly shown him the heart of Christ? I understand people reject Christ and do so violently, this doesn't mean we should stop trying.
My friend Leatrice is out of the hospital and healing. Praise God for that miracle!
My heart and mind are trying to push down the thoughts my spirit wants to dwell on, which is "how are you honoring God with your life?" Ughhh. Since the struggles with the different ministries I've really been questioning where Jon and I are as a family and where we are as individuals. What we are doing to serve Jesus. I'm looking forward to some time to talk this over with Jon, perhaps on the beach in Costa Rica. :) I'm thinking of joining a Thursday morning bible study to spur on these questions and thoughts.
Finally, at least for this post, this weekend's events of the shootings have brought up a lot of discussion. I will be honest up front, I feel somewhat disconnected from the whole thing and haven't felt real sad about it. Let me explain. I understand the seriousness of it and certainly have sympathy for those involved or affected. However, I think I have placed this with all the other mass shootings and events that have happened in recent years. It's tragic, but not having known or met any of the people involved it's hard to associate with it. People have made comments about how they never expected anything like this to happen in Tucson and this irritates me. Yes, it's shocking but sadly, not unbelievable. There are evil people in this world who will do awful things and they are every where. Do you think the residents of Lancaster, PA ever thought someone would open fire on a bunch of people in an Amish school? I'll tell you what is encouraging about this, most people seem to believe that we are all innately good. It's so shocking because it's hard for us to imagine someone would want to cause hurt to others like this. If we are made in the image of God we should be innately good. It's been strange to see some people believed the nation should be grieving in a similar fashion to us in Tucson. Did Tucson grieve the same as those in Lancaster?
I repeat, this is a very tragic event and I have a lot of sympathy for those who were affected by this, especially the 9 year old girl whose life was taken as well as the family of the shooter. The shooter's family must also be grieving as they have experienced a sense of loss themselves. I personally have not connected emotionally with this as so many others have. I simply don't see how this particular situation deserves more sympathy or recognition than any other mass shooting as so many have portrayed (intentionally or not). Especially as disciples of Christ, we should be mourning for all who lose their life for they are each precious to God.
One friend asked the question, "What do we do now?" (in the face of flying accusations towards political parties, protests at funerals, pointing fingers at the public education system, or gun laws). We pray. We can blame, accuse, and point fingers all we want but we are missing the point. Evil will happen despite the laws, despite the education system, despite extra security. We need to be loving those who seem unlovable and we need to be praying for those who need it. To be honest my heart breaks for the shooter. Whether it's genetics that has caused a mental disorder or perhaps a life of anger and hatred could things have been different if he had been loved by someone around him? Had anyone truly, lovingly, and kindly shown him the heart of Christ? I understand people reject Christ and do so violently, this doesn't mean we should stop trying.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Quilting Progress
I've finished piecing all of the rows together on Hadley's quilt. It really doesn't take that long to do. I probably did one row in about 15 minutes, as long as there weren't any problems. My mom and I had cut most of the green strips ahead of time so that helps to keep things going once you start piecing it.
I pressed all the seams towards the green fabric so it wouldn't show behind the lighter fabrics and got to work on sewing the rows together. Because the fabric was not long enough to use just one strip in between rows I had to sew two together. I used a bias seam (diagonal seam) as it shows less then a straight seam. It took me 3 times to get it right because I wasn't paying attention to the details of it but it is really really simple.
I then started piecing the rows together. There was excess fabric that I haven't cut off yet, in case I need to do a little fixing. The vertical green strips aren't always lining up perfectly but as I go, they seem to be falling in to place. I am soooo excited for the finished product.
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| These are the first 4 rows laid out |
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| This picture includes rows 5 & 6 (sorry for the sun glare) |
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| Place one strip face up. Place the second strip at a 90 degree angle face down with edges matching as much as possible. Draw a diagonal line towards the outside edge. Using pins will help keep it in place. |
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| Sew on the diagonal line and cut off excess fabric leaving 1/4" seam. Flip the upside down fabric over and press the seam. |
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| Here it is finished. It's very hard to see the seam. |
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| Here is where I stopped. 3 rows done. 3 rows to go. Then I start the outside frame which will be green, then white and a little pink. |
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