It's me time

I'm going to be a little transparent, mainly because putting it into written words helps me overcome it. I'm in a season of life where I just want what I want, not what's really best for me.

Here's a superficial explanation. I've been trying to work out on our elliptical to become more healthy and lose a little weight. I want to sabotage my efforts though by pigging out on junk food. My purpose is not really to sabotage my work but simply because I want to indulge in sugary goodness. Or for instance, I'd like to re-do my entire wardrobe, something that is not at all necessary or being a good steward of our money. That's not so bad, you might say. Again, these are superficial examples.

To get a little deeper and a little more personal, as most may know, we are working in a neighborhood transformation team at church. I just don't want to do it anymore. I have thoughts of wanting to spend my time doing things for me. My passion has been overrun by my selfishness. When I think of serving other people I just have no desire to do it. This is what scares me the most.

I'm really excited about our trip to Costa Rica, Pittsburgh, and even camping. I'm loving it, wishing we spent more time going on trips for ourselves, getting time to do things for ourselves. There are more areas of my life but these are prevalent

I understand there's a delicate balance of taking time for myself and serving others but right now I have no balance. If I take time for myself that's all I want. I'm a giver by nature. I don't say that to boast, in fact it can be seen as a negative thing because I'm such a people- pleaser. I give and then start feeling selfish and entitled. When do I get to take? I do take so I really can't complain. I need to find this balance. Perhaps changing my perspective on things would also help.

Psalm 119:36 - Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain.