It seems very prominent these days, maybe it's more tolerated or more socially acceptable to have an addiction and so people speak up about it. People joke about their addiction to coffee, particularly Starbucks. There are addictions to sweets, TV shows, collectibles, all of which seems harmless. Then you get in to the more serious addictions like drugs, alcohol, spending money, sex. Somehow we have attributed value to certain addictions and ignored the lesser offenses. According to the dictionary, here's the definition: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
It seems extreme but do we know the hold those little addictions have over us? If your addiction to sweets is pushing you closer and closer to becoming a diabetic, is there severe trauma to your psyche? Eventually there could be to your physical state. I don't think I've really ever had an addiction to much of anything. I suppose it'd be extremely hard for me to give up everything sweet. We've tried to eliminate sugar from most of our diet in order to lose some weight but I certainly would have a difficult time giving it all up. What about the relationships these addictions destroy? Is that severe trauma? I think so.
Having had a relationship damaged by addiction I've had a new outlook on what it means to be an addict. I don't judge addicts anymore. I don't know what it's like to be so overcome with fear, hopelessness, pain, or sorrow to become a slave of an addiction. I do know what it's like to watch someone you love struggle with an addiction. As an outsider it's hard to understand what the addict is experiencing. What is so wrong in life that they risk physically hurting or even killing themselves, destroying relationships, losing all they own, and simply becoming a slave? As an outsider, you seem to go through a sort of mourning process. You become scared and wanting to help in whatever way you can (which can lead to enabling). You then become angry, wanting to leave the addict completely on their own (which leads to unforgiveness and not wanting to be graceful). I went through a time of feeling guilty, like if I had only done something different maybe this person would not have turned to the addiction. At some point you reach the grieving process. I don't think it matters what the start of the addiction was, how it manifested itself, or the result of the addicts actions, you grieve what was taken. Maybe it was the time the addict spent looking for their next fix, maybe it was the material items destroyed or even lives that were destroyed. Perhaps it's dreams that are now gone or even the addict who is now gone. The good part of grieving is you get to a point where you realize you can't change the addicts behavior. It's up to them. It's freeing in a way. At least it was for me because I tried so hard to figure out how I could make this person stop. Maybe there was something I could do or say to really make them stop and think about what they were doing. When I was 100% clear and honest with myself I knew I had no control, the addiction is so much stronger than anything I can do. Sure, I've set boundaries and boundaries can make a difference but it does not ensure the addiction will be conquered.
I've struggled often with how to respond. Several times I've wanted to cut off communication totally, but that helps me not the addict. It's the easy way out. I would pray and pray about how God wanted me to respond and time and time again, God said, love them. Just love them. I've set boundaries and will work hard to stick to those (it's really hard to do too.) But overall I will still love the addict, no matter what. Through this whole process I would try to put myself in their shoes. I understand it to a point, life can sometimes become bleak, painful, and be a heavy burden to carry. It's easy to find things which make us feel good so we can deal with the hard times. I get that. What I don't get is losing everything positive in your life for an addiction. So I will love them. It's hard to say what that looks like exactly. In the moment the addict may tell me that bailing them out of a financial situation would be loving, but I know that's only making things worse. Perhaps cooking a meal for them, or calling them and asking how things are going, maybe sending them an encouraging card. It's going to be different for each person.
I wish I had the answers to helping an addict or even to help those who are affected by addicts. God, obviously, is a huge answer and counseling is a good one too. The only answer I have some sort of control over is to love them. Their addiction is no worse than our rude behavior or bad driving habits, at least in God's eyes. And since God is the only one that matters when it comes to judgement and grace we need to give up trying to control the addict or their behavior and stop the condemnation and love them. If there was ever evidence of a natural inner desire to feel the love of God I think it is the life of an addict; the life of someone searching for something to offer healing and rest.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Grateful
I'm grateful for:
family, especially my husband and daughter
our house
the ability to stay at home with our daughter
for God's grace and love
for the ability to drive down the street whenever we want and get groceries
for choices
for learning from my mistakes
for being able to learn new things
for friends
for our king-sized bed
for living where it's warm most of the year
for mountains
for calming streams of water
for God's faithfulness
for knowing how to read and write
These are just a few things....
What are you grateful for today?
family, especially my husband and daughter
our house
the ability to stay at home with our daughter
for God's grace and love
for the ability to drive down the street whenever we want and get groceries
for choices
for learning from my mistakes
for being able to learn new things
for friends
for our king-sized bed
for living where it's warm most of the year
for mountains
for calming streams of water
for God's faithfulness
for knowing how to read and write
These are just a few things....
What are you grateful for today?
Friday, November 5, 2010
My first year of college (it's kinda long)
When I was in high school, attending my last Christ in Youth (CIY) conference, I made the decision to go in to ministry full-time. I was interested in counseling and teaching so I figured I'd work towards family or children's ministry. I went with a small group of kids from the youth group and a few parents to check out some christian colleges in the midwest. We looked at Ozark Christian College in Joplin, MO and Manhattan Christian College in Manhattan, KS. Manhattan had several positives, I loved the little town it was in and it was right across the street from Kansas State University. The dorms were laid out in 'suites' which had more of an apartment feel and I knew a lot of people who were going to go there, not to mention my youth pastor and his wife had graduated from there. Ozark was nice also but they had traditional dorms and the town wasn't as quaint. I believe Ozark was the cheaper of the two though. When I had started discussing Christian colleges with my parents I had originally wanted to go to one in either California or Colorado. California was closer and more familiar to me and Colorado was beautiful. The problem was the tuition for any Christian college in those two states was at least twice as much as Ozark or Manhattan.
My parents were hesitant about my going in to ministry. They were worried, that as a female, I would have a really hard time finding a church who would hire me on full time. Fortunately a female pastor is more common now. They also reminded me that I might not find a church in Tucson (like Pantano) to be hired by. I somehow was convinced, although I wouldn't admit it, that Pantano would hire me after I was done with school. I acted like I knew all the possibilities and weighed all the options. I had in one sense, trusted God completely with my journey. Of course paying for school was another obstacle but my parents were determined to do what they could to help so as to avoid getting loans. I tried for different scholarships and applied for federal aid (FAFSA) but nothing came through.
Leaving Tucson, the home I had lived in my whole life, my entire family, friends, the church I grew up in, everything I had known was the hardest thing I had ever done at age 18. I remember one last night some of my friends came over and we just sat in my room and cried. When we got to the college there was a family orientation and my dad had excused himself for the bathroom, or so I thought. After he hadn't returned after about 10 minutes I went looking for him and he was outside of the chapel, bawling. I had only seen my dad cry a few tears once before so upon seeing this I, too, began to cry. As my parents pulled out of the parking lot to leave me there, later that afternoon, I went back up to my dorm room and cried some more. I didn't feel like eating for the rest of the day. There were a lot of exciting things that happened too. Like shopping for all my dorm stuff was fun, being responsible for myself was also exciting. I had met some new people and luckily had a good friend from Tucson join me at the college. I had applied to work in school library and got the position was which was awesome! My boss there was so friendly and caring. Being away from home got easier as the days went by and I quickly adjusted.
The college at the time had about 700 students total, and about 90% of them lived on campus. With Joplin being such a small town it was hard to find off-campus housing. Besides one of the requirements for a freshmen was to live on campus. There were also some trailer homes for married students; most were families training to be international missionaries. Us single students referred to the trailer park as "The Promise Land." Dorm life was a blast, although sharing a bathroom was not. The washer and dyers were in the basement and my room was on the 2nd of 3 floors (not including the basement.). If you were really lucky you might get a room with a window AC unit, otherwise you had a fan for cooling. Quite honestly I can't remember if there was cooling for the entire building or not, but if there was it hardly worked at all. I never was one of the lucky ones, but I survived. Of course, dorms were not unisex and members of the opposite sex were only allowed in the lobbies except for 3 days out of the school year: move in day, move out day, and a special open house where we could go visit each other's rooms. However, on open house nights, ALL doors were to remain open.
Classes were awesome! Since most students lived on campus the schedule worked more like a high school schedule. Most all classes were held during 7am-2pm. There were a few night programs for those working full time or for certain degrees/certificates. The teachers were all pretty much amazing. I can't think of one teacher I had who I did not like. I did have a few large classes like a public college. Those were most of the introductory courses like our Acts class or Old Testament class. I'll describe a few of my classes for you:
Acts -- This was probably my favorite class. It lasted the entire school year and had about 80-90 students in it. The professor was AWESOME! He was a shorter man who was funny, animated, and charismatic. Whenever there was a thunderstorm we would inevitably be talking about something extremly spiritual in the book of Acts and inevitably as the Professor was sort of retelling this particular part thunder would crash outside, like it was all planned out. We all swore he had some agreement going on with God. Our big assignment was to keep a GIANT 3-ring notebook detailing certain people, places, and events throughout the book of Acts. The binder was a part of our final grade. What was so cool about this professor, aside from his storytelling, was he would invite about 6-8 students over to his house at a time for a spaghetti dinner with his family. He really cared about his students.
Old Testament - Sadly I don't remember a whole lot from this class. I did enjoy the teacher. This was another big class.
Speech -- This was a smaller class, about 20 people but the professor was hilarious. We gave a lot of speeches and I'm so thankful for this class. While I didn't necessarily get over my fear of public speaking, it certainly gave me more confidence and skills to do it.
Teaching ministries of the church -- This was one of my favorites as it focused more on children's ministries and family ministries. Our final was to create a whole children's ministry with a vision, Sunday school curriculum, etc. almost all the things that would go into starting a new church. I had so much fun with it and got a good grade on it.
I had some general classes like English and writing and twice a week we all met in the chapel for a time of worship and a short message and announcements. During the second semester my schedule no longer fit with my working in the library and so I applied to work the snack bar for sporting events. I was pleased to get that job and now every time I go to a sporting event where pop corn is popping I remember the days of filling up the machine with oil and corn kernels and then the awful time I had cleaning the pop corn machine. Good memories! The food in the cafeteria was pretty good for the most part and I usually had cereal and easy mac in the dorm when I didn't want to go to the cafeteria.
There wasn't a whole lot to do in Joplin except frequent it's 3 Wal-marts for easy mac. We weren't allowed to go into the bars to play pool because there were a lot of seniors in the area who were financially contributing to the school. If any of them spotted us coming out of the bars, we would have been in big trouble. How they'd know we went to Ozark, I'm not sure, but that was the explanation which was passed around. We would frequent Springfield (about 2 hours away) to play hide and seek with hand held radios in the Bass Pro. shop which was full of Quakers or Amish people. We would also go to a DELICIOUS family-style restaurant for birthdays (you'd get a free meal on your birthday) called Lambert's Cafe in Springfield. They were known for throwing their hot, yummy dinner rolls to you at your table. One last major thing we did was go line dancing. There was a small, family-friendly (i.e. no alcohol or smoking) warehouse that would give a quick lesson and then have line dancing every Friday night. Students got in for a discounted rate, like $3 and while it was generally filled with older people we had a blast. Every now and then they'd play Backstreet boys for us younger folk. I even got to go cow-tipping, a.k.a being left in a dark field with waist-high grass and no flash light. We would visit friends homes who lived within a few hours of school and kept ourselves busy. I have a lot of good memories.
I visited home at Christmas and then again on spring break, but when I came home for the summer I had to make a tough decision. It has taken me a long time to be able to verbalize why I didn't go back to Ozark after that first year. At first I kept thinking it was because I wanted to be out in the trenches doing ministry rather than sitting behind a school desk learning about it. That is still, in part, true. I think at the time though, I felt like I was missing out on life in Tucson. People were moving on, big things were happening, like my brother recovering from a traumatic spinal cord injury, and life was different. I didn't want to miss out. I felt like I could stay in Tucson and still get an education which would relate to ministry. While I think my reasons for staying were wrong, I'm glad I made the decision to stay in Tucson. I met Jon a year later. I sometimes still feel a draw to working in ministry full time and perhaps God will make that opportunity happen at the right time. On one hand I'm sad I left after only one year with nothing to show for it except textbooks and giant 3-ring binders full of info on Acts, but I learned so much about myself. I'm grateful for the experience.
My parents were hesitant about my going in to ministry. They were worried, that as a female, I would have a really hard time finding a church who would hire me on full time. Fortunately a female pastor is more common now. They also reminded me that I might not find a church in Tucson (like Pantano) to be hired by. I somehow was convinced, although I wouldn't admit it, that Pantano would hire me after I was done with school. I acted like I knew all the possibilities and weighed all the options. I had in one sense, trusted God completely with my journey. Of course paying for school was another obstacle but my parents were determined to do what they could to help so as to avoid getting loans. I tried for different scholarships and applied for federal aid (FAFSA) but nothing came through.
Leaving Tucson, the home I had lived in my whole life, my entire family, friends, the church I grew up in, everything I had known was the hardest thing I had ever done at age 18. I remember one last night some of my friends came over and we just sat in my room and cried. When we got to the college there was a family orientation and my dad had excused himself for the bathroom, or so I thought. After he hadn't returned after about 10 minutes I went looking for him and he was outside of the chapel, bawling. I had only seen my dad cry a few tears once before so upon seeing this I, too, began to cry. As my parents pulled out of the parking lot to leave me there, later that afternoon, I went back up to my dorm room and cried some more. I didn't feel like eating for the rest of the day. There were a lot of exciting things that happened too. Like shopping for all my dorm stuff was fun, being responsible for myself was also exciting. I had met some new people and luckily had a good friend from Tucson join me at the college. I had applied to work in school library and got the position was which was awesome! My boss there was so friendly and caring. Being away from home got easier as the days went by and I quickly adjusted.
The college at the time had about 700 students total, and about 90% of them lived on campus. With Joplin being such a small town it was hard to find off-campus housing. Besides one of the requirements for a freshmen was to live on campus. There were also some trailer homes for married students; most were families training to be international missionaries. Us single students referred to the trailer park as "The Promise Land." Dorm life was a blast, although sharing a bathroom was not. The washer and dyers were in the basement and my room was on the 2nd of 3 floors (not including the basement.). If you were really lucky you might get a room with a window AC unit, otherwise you had a fan for cooling. Quite honestly I can't remember if there was cooling for the entire building or not, but if there was it hardly worked at all. I never was one of the lucky ones, but I survived. Of course, dorms were not unisex and members of the opposite sex were only allowed in the lobbies except for 3 days out of the school year: move in day, move out day, and a special open house where we could go visit each other's rooms. However, on open house nights, ALL doors were to remain open.
Classes were awesome! Since most students lived on campus the schedule worked more like a high school schedule. Most all classes were held during 7am-2pm. There were a few night programs for those working full time or for certain degrees/certificates. The teachers were all pretty much amazing. I can't think of one teacher I had who I did not like. I did have a few large classes like a public college. Those were most of the introductory courses like our Acts class or Old Testament class. I'll describe a few of my classes for you:
Acts -- This was probably my favorite class. It lasted the entire school year and had about 80-90 students in it. The professor was AWESOME! He was a shorter man who was funny, animated, and charismatic. Whenever there was a thunderstorm we would inevitably be talking about something extremly spiritual in the book of Acts and inevitably as the Professor was sort of retelling this particular part thunder would crash outside, like it was all planned out. We all swore he had some agreement going on with God. Our big assignment was to keep a GIANT 3-ring notebook detailing certain people, places, and events throughout the book of Acts. The binder was a part of our final grade. What was so cool about this professor, aside from his storytelling, was he would invite about 6-8 students over to his house at a time for a spaghetti dinner with his family. He really cared about his students.
Old Testament - Sadly I don't remember a whole lot from this class. I did enjoy the teacher. This was another big class.
Speech -- This was a smaller class, about 20 people but the professor was hilarious. We gave a lot of speeches and I'm so thankful for this class. While I didn't necessarily get over my fear of public speaking, it certainly gave me more confidence and skills to do it.
Teaching ministries of the church -- This was one of my favorites as it focused more on children's ministries and family ministries. Our final was to create a whole children's ministry with a vision, Sunday school curriculum, etc. almost all the things that would go into starting a new church. I had so much fun with it and got a good grade on it.
I had some general classes like English and writing and twice a week we all met in the chapel for a time of worship and a short message and announcements. During the second semester my schedule no longer fit with my working in the library and so I applied to work the snack bar for sporting events. I was pleased to get that job and now every time I go to a sporting event where pop corn is popping I remember the days of filling up the machine with oil and corn kernels and then the awful time I had cleaning the pop corn machine. Good memories! The food in the cafeteria was pretty good for the most part and I usually had cereal and easy mac in the dorm when I didn't want to go to the cafeteria.
There wasn't a whole lot to do in Joplin except frequent it's 3 Wal-marts for easy mac. We weren't allowed to go into the bars to play pool because there were a lot of seniors in the area who were financially contributing to the school. If any of them spotted us coming out of the bars, we would have been in big trouble. How they'd know we went to Ozark, I'm not sure, but that was the explanation which was passed around. We would frequent Springfield (about 2 hours away) to play hide and seek with hand held radios in the Bass Pro. shop which was full of Quakers or Amish people. We would also go to a DELICIOUS family-style restaurant for birthdays (you'd get a free meal on your birthday) called Lambert's Cafe in Springfield. They were known for throwing their hot, yummy dinner rolls to you at your table. One last major thing we did was go line dancing. There was a small, family-friendly (i.e. no alcohol or smoking) warehouse that would give a quick lesson and then have line dancing every Friday night. Students got in for a discounted rate, like $3 and while it was generally filled with older people we had a blast. Every now and then they'd play Backstreet boys for us younger folk. I even got to go cow-tipping, a.k.a being left in a dark field with waist-high grass and no flash light. We would visit friends homes who lived within a few hours of school and kept ourselves busy. I have a lot of good memories.
I visited home at Christmas and then again on spring break, but when I came home for the summer I had to make a tough decision. It has taken me a long time to be able to verbalize why I didn't go back to Ozark after that first year. At first I kept thinking it was because I wanted to be out in the trenches doing ministry rather than sitting behind a school desk learning about it. That is still, in part, true. I think at the time though, I felt like I was missing out on life in Tucson. People were moving on, big things were happening, like my brother recovering from a traumatic spinal cord injury, and life was different. I didn't want to miss out. I felt like I could stay in Tucson and still get an education which would relate to ministry. While I think my reasons for staying were wrong, I'm glad I made the decision to stay in Tucson. I met Jon a year later. I sometimes still feel a draw to working in ministry full time and perhaps God will make that opportunity happen at the right time. On one hand I'm sad I left after only one year with nothing to show for it except textbooks and giant 3-ring binders full of info on Acts, but I learned so much about myself. I'm grateful for the experience.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Followup on 'Burn Out'
I had previously blogged on how I was feeling burnt out with the several ministries we are involved in. I was discouraged, tired, and had no hope for the future of these ministries. Toward the end of my blog I had stated I felt my dependence on God to do his thing was lacking and I needed a perspective change. Well, God spoke up.
This past weekend at church Pastor Blumenthal was speaking on carrying one an other's burdens and being aware of the load we carry. I don't think the overall sermon was meant to convey what I needed to hear but there were little gold nuggets throughout where God reminded me he is faithful. One phrase Roger kept repeating was "I get to..." instead of "I have to..." I can tell you with complete honesty in the past year I have often felt like "I had to" serve in these ministries and accomplish certain things. The obligations were weighing heavy on me. I believe this weight became so heavy I lost sight of what God was doing and was capable of doing in each of these areas.
After two years in our neighborhood ministry (which passed August of 2009) we were hoping to have an established team full of neighbors and beginning to offer classes or home groups where neighbors could learn and grow from each other. Where were we? Our relationship with the neighborhood church had fallen apart. Our KEY relationship with the neighborhood association was hanging by a thread and our own team from Pantano was experiencing personal roadblocks at each turn. See our relationships with those already in the neighborhood were not due to personality differences, it was due to daily life. Those in the church either did not live in the neighborhood and did feel invested or were already committed to the max and couldn't possibly devote any more time to our mission. The neighborhood association was barely alive when we started working in the neighborhood. They're a great resource because then we can tap in to the city resources but it's hard when the association president has her phone disconnected on a regular basis and the city is cutting funding so meeting notices are eliminated. our last resort began in 2010 and that was to work with the neighborhood school. If we couldn't reach the neighborhood through the school we felt like maybe it just wasn't going to happen. Where was God in all this? He was there, but I don't we allowed him to do much. We would meet and pray but I know there were times I'd walk into a meeting in the neighborhood not trusting God would be present. It has been so difficult to get neighbors to participate. How do you compete with single-parent families who have to work two jobs? They don't have time to meet their neighbors. How do you get an invalid senior who has been robbed several times and seen more drug transactions and street-walkers in the past 5 years then I will in my life time to come out of their house and be friendly? I can't, but God can. I realize not every person in the neighborhood will buy in to what we're doing. I want to look at this ministry through the eyes of "I get to..." I get to meet these people, I get to watch God impact their lives, I get to see children have hope of a future, I get to see neighbors take care of each. I wish this one sermon changed all that in a matter of an hour but it didn't. It's still a process for me and I continue to pray about it.
Starting a new YM group was a little difficult. Trying to get a place at the church reserved, getting the group advertised in the different medias were just a few of the initial frustrations. Then we only had one couple show up. My fears of hurting people's feelings and turning them off to a group where they could be so blessed started seeping through. We have split our group several times and have not done it without awkwardness and a little pain. I wanted this time to be different, I knew it could work, but you need more than one couple to have a life group. After week two of five I was starting to think we would need a back up plan. By week three I was discouraged. I was sitting out on the church patio by myself waiting for other couples to show up and up walks a new couple! I laughed a little inside as I pictured God standing there, smiling, "See. See what I can do. Just give me a chance to work and I'll show you how great things can happen." Two couples is still not enough to have a life group but these two couples are willing to work and wait on more couples. I feel encouraged and know that God will work in that group. I get to be a part of life group who truly cares about one another, where God uses each person in their own way, and will do what it takes to serve each other. I get to be a part of creating a new YM group when so many young, newly married couples can get lost in between college-age ministries and family/children ministries. I believe this ministry will be a great example to so many in regards to what a difference a life group can make in a person's life. Already, among the pastors at our church, we are well-known as a thriving, positive group.
Pastor Blumenthal taught from Galatians 6 and it was verse 9 that hit me: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I want to be a part of that, I don't want to give up. I want to trust God to do his work because he can do so much more than I can with much better results. In a book I read recently, I believe it was Revolution by George Barna, he said something to the effect of God is already there doing the work...let's join him.
This past weekend at church Pastor Blumenthal was speaking on carrying one an other's burdens and being aware of the load we carry. I don't think the overall sermon was meant to convey what I needed to hear but there were little gold nuggets throughout where God reminded me he is faithful. One phrase Roger kept repeating was "I get to..." instead of "I have to..." I can tell you with complete honesty in the past year I have often felt like "I had to" serve in these ministries and accomplish certain things. The obligations were weighing heavy on me. I believe this weight became so heavy I lost sight of what God was doing and was capable of doing in each of these areas.
After two years in our neighborhood ministry (which passed August of 2009) we were hoping to have an established team full of neighbors and beginning to offer classes or home groups where neighbors could learn and grow from each other. Where were we? Our relationship with the neighborhood church had fallen apart. Our KEY relationship with the neighborhood association was hanging by a thread and our own team from Pantano was experiencing personal roadblocks at each turn. See our relationships with those already in the neighborhood were not due to personality differences, it was due to daily life. Those in the church either did not live in the neighborhood and did feel invested or were already committed to the max and couldn't possibly devote any more time to our mission. The neighborhood association was barely alive when we started working in the neighborhood. They're a great resource because then we can tap in to the city resources but it's hard when the association president has her phone disconnected on a regular basis and the city is cutting funding so meeting notices are eliminated. our last resort began in 2010 and that was to work with the neighborhood school. If we couldn't reach the neighborhood through the school we felt like maybe it just wasn't going to happen. Where was God in all this? He was there, but I don't we allowed him to do much. We would meet and pray but I know there were times I'd walk into a meeting in the neighborhood not trusting God would be present. It has been so difficult to get neighbors to participate. How do you compete with single-parent families who have to work two jobs? They don't have time to meet their neighbors. How do you get an invalid senior who has been robbed several times and seen more drug transactions and street-walkers in the past 5 years then I will in my life time to come out of their house and be friendly? I can't, but God can. I realize not every person in the neighborhood will buy in to what we're doing. I want to look at this ministry through the eyes of "I get to..." I get to meet these people, I get to watch God impact their lives, I get to see children have hope of a future, I get to see neighbors take care of each. I wish this one sermon changed all that in a matter of an hour but it didn't. It's still a process for me and I continue to pray about it.
Starting a new YM group was a little difficult. Trying to get a place at the church reserved, getting the group advertised in the different medias were just a few of the initial frustrations. Then we only had one couple show up. My fears of hurting people's feelings and turning them off to a group where they could be so blessed started seeping through. We have split our group several times and have not done it without awkwardness and a little pain. I wanted this time to be different, I knew it could work, but you need more than one couple to have a life group. After week two of five I was starting to think we would need a back up plan. By week three I was discouraged. I was sitting out on the church patio by myself waiting for other couples to show up and up walks a new couple! I laughed a little inside as I pictured God standing there, smiling, "See. See what I can do. Just give me a chance to work and I'll show you how great things can happen." Two couples is still not enough to have a life group but these two couples are willing to work and wait on more couples. I feel encouraged and know that God will work in that group. I get to be a part of life group who truly cares about one another, where God uses each person in their own way, and will do what it takes to serve each other. I get to be a part of creating a new YM group when so many young, newly married couples can get lost in between college-age ministries and family/children ministries. I believe this ministry will be a great example to so many in regards to what a difference a life group can make in a person's life. Already, among the pastors at our church, we are well-known as a thriving, positive group.
Pastor Blumenthal taught from Galatians 6 and it was verse 9 that hit me: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I want to be a part of that, I don't want to give up. I want to trust God to do his work because he can do so much more than I can with much better results. In a book I read recently, I believe it was Revolution by George Barna, he said something to the effect of God is already there doing the work...let's join him.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Our big little girl
I love to watch her funny expressions every day and hear her laughing so hard she can barely breathe. She runs in circles and dances in circles. She shrugs her shoulders with the cutest smile ever! She'll also run down the hall with her eyes closed, sometimes running into the wall, which is hilarious! Hadley has no fear...well except viciously barking dogs. She can climb up on things now so we occasionally find her sitting on the table next to our couch.
She seems to be more gentle with other babies and toddlers. Although once in a while she likes to point out that they also have eyes and puts a little too much effort into it. She didn't care much for her Halloween costume but she enjoyed the decorations and loved trick or treating. She pulled the candy in and out of her little bucket repeatedly.
Hadley still LOVES to read. Sometimes she'll go in her room by herself and pull book after book off of the shelf and sit there, flipping through the pages, reading out loud to herself. I do have to say she has learned a lot from books and can now identify things when asked where they are. I realize some of that is memorization but she memorizes really fast. She's learning how to say new words every week it seems. Her latest ones are 'nope' and 'bye.' It's so cute how she uses different tones and expressions when she's babbling too, like she's having a real grown-up conversation.
I think she is going to be a rule-follower like her mother. She seems to learn pretty fast what she can and can't do. Sure she still tests the limits from time to time. But even things like her cup falling over (her sippy cups spill when they tip...seems to defeat the purpose, but they do nonetheless) she knows she needs to pick it up. This also goes for any sort of bottle that she sees tipped over. She says, "uh oh" and turns it up right. I predict she's going to have a certain way of doing things and a specific place for things as she grows older. Sometimes I'm a little nervous about our 2nd kid....are they going to be complete opposites?
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
An update on my writing
I'm a little behind on my assignments still. It feels like once I catch up then something big happens that prevents me from working on it for a week or two and I get waaaayyyyy behind. Just about everyone that has read what I've written has encouraging things to say as well as some criticism. What's most discouraging about writing is it's sooooo hard to get things published. With that said let me say this, I could pay just about any publishing company to publish my book. What's so difficult is the marketing. I may have a book published but that doesn't mean stores are going to sell it. I'd have to contact book stores in order to sell it and then I'd have to convince them my book is worth taking space up on their shelves. I feel like everything I read from professional writers or agents/editors is negative news. I even have a link on this blog to a literary agents blog and I've recently stopped reading it. I feel like it's the same thing...."it takes a lot of work and the odds of someone accepting your manuscript are pretty low."To me it's all discouraging. I don't want to try and cover up the reality of it but I also don't want to be so bombarded with negative information I just give up.
Anyway, I sent two manuscripts off to a well-known Christian children's magazine, Clubhouse. It's published by Focus on the Family. One story was a short historical fiction account of a child who lived through the Dust Bowl, a period I have a lot of interest in. The other was the Fish and Loaves bible story told from the viewpoint of the little boy who supplied the food to Jesus. This boy is only mentioned in the gospel of John. I felt confident in my stories, that they were well written and met the interests of the audience I had intended them for. However, I was not confident in their acceptance by the magazine. First of all because it was my first time submitting actual manuscripts and I highly doubt I did everything perfectly. Unfortunately, they don't give you feedback on technical mistakes. Second, this is a fairly popular magazine so I imagine there are A LOT of submissions; competition was high. About 6 weeks after sending them I received a letter in the mail giving me the news. It took me a while to figure out what the envelopes had in them and why I was getting and then I remembered I had sent some self-addressed envelopes with my manuscripts. My heart skipped a few beats as I realized this could be a turning point in my early writing career or it could be the start of my many rejection letters. It was the latter.
I was disappointed, sure. But like I've said so many times before I expected to be rejected, so I got over the disappointment shortly thereafter and decided I could now look for other publications to submit to. One piece of good news in all this is on the rejection letter, which was more of a check list of reasons they were not accepting it, they had simply checked that my stories did not fit their editorial needs at the time. I then scanned the other options and realized my news wasn't so bad. Other options could have been checked, indicating my manuscript was not up to par or needed a lot of work, thankfully it was just that my stories did not fit what they were working on at the time. I did look up their needs and requirements on their website and while my stories fit that particular list, I realize the website could be outdated. One other piece of information on the rejection letter was the magazine receives 75 submissions a month and only accepts 4 a year! The odds are pretty low. Had I'd seen that on the website when I was looking for their requirements I probably would have not sent my manuscripts in.
I'm glad I took the risk of sending my stories off. It's not as scary or as difficult as it seems. I now need to find some other publications who may take my stories and keep writing. I just need to keep writing.
Anyway, I sent two manuscripts off to a well-known Christian children's magazine, Clubhouse. It's published by Focus on the Family. One story was a short historical fiction account of a child who lived through the Dust Bowl, a period I have a lot of interest in. The other was the Fish and Loaves bible story told from the viewpoint of the little boy who supplied the food to Jesus. This boy is only mentioned in the gospel of John. I felt confident in my stories, that they were well written and met the interests of the audience I had intended them for. However, I was not confident in their acceptance by the magazine. First of all because it was my first time submitting actual manuscripts and I highly doubt I did everything perfectly. Unfortunately, they don't give you feedback on technical mistakes. Second, this is a fairly popular magazine so I imagine there are A LOT of submissions; competition was high. About 6 weeks after sending them I received a letter in the mail giving me the news. It took me a while to figure out what the envelopes had in them and why I was getting and then I remembered I had sent some self-addressed envelopes with my manuscripts. My heart skipped a few beats as I realized this could be a turning point in my early writing career or it could be the start of my many rejection letters. It was the latter.
I was disappointed, sure. But like I've said so many times before I expected to be rejected, so I got over the disappointment shortly thereafter and decided I could now look for other publications to submit to. One piece of good news in all this is on the rejection letter, which was more of a check list of reasons they were not accepting it, they had simply checked that my stories did not fit their editorial needs at the time. I then scanned the other options and realized my news wasn't so bad. Other options could have been checked, indicating my manuscript was not up to par or needed a lot of work, thankfully it was just that my stories did not fit what they were working on at the time. I did look up their needs and requirements on their website and while my stories fit that particular list, I realize the website could be outdated. One other piece of information on the rejection letter was the magazine receives 75 submissions a month and only accepts 4 a year! The odds are pretty low. Had I'd seen that on the website when I was looking for their requirements I probably would have not sent my manuscripts in.
I'm glad I took the risk of sending my stories off. It's not as scary or as difficult as it seems. I now need to find some other publications who may take my stories and keep writing. I just need to keep writing.
Monday, November 1, 2010
A Blog A Day
Rumor has it, it's National Blog Posting month. Just like any other made up holiday/special dedicated month bloggers have arbitrarily claimed November. These crazy people commit to posting 1 blog for every day of November. So I thought I'd join in. Why? Like I have so much to say. Well I figured with my writing courses I need to be writing every day and this is a good way to get myself motivated. I have a few other blogger pals who are doing this, Ami and Nicole, as I'm sure many more are out in cyber space. Join us! Even if you feel like you'd run out of things to say, I guarantee you could take your status from facebook and make an entire blog out of it. Besides I like to read blogs. That should be enough.
Here are a few upcoming titles I hope to blog on:
A followup on my previous 'Burn Out' post
Reflecting on some bible reading
My writing journey thus far
Update on Hadley
There it is folks! I can tell you're hanging on the edge of your seat for tomorrows post.
Here are a few upcoming titles I hope to blog on:
A followup on my previous 'Burn Out' post
Reflecting on some bible reading
My writing journey thus far
Update on Hadley
There it is folks! I can tell you're hanging on the edge of your seat for tomorrows post.
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