A Revelation

I think I may have answered one of my questions in the past 3 posts: "At what point do we shake the dust from our feet and move on from sharing the gospel?"

I say 'think' because I didn't necessarily find the answer in scripture, is this heresy? I don't think so; I was in the middle of worship at church, not really thinking of the words I was singing but thinking of the situation that I was currently in. I started smiling because I felt God put me in the situation to say, "See, this is how I do things." I was in God's presence. I was focused on who He is and then I realized what He was doing.

Someone came to church this weekend who hasn't come in a really long time. I have prayed for this person for the last 15 years; we've had many conversations which have had good endings and bad endings. I was growing weary of trying. After my previous posts I was beginning to wonder if I should move on and put my efforts somewhere else.

I know God sometimes provides different opportunities for us, either the sower, the reaper...but when it's someone who is a constant in your life it's hard to know which role to play. Anyhow, I was praying for this person to be receptive to anything that was said in the service, after 15 years, you'll take any little piece of teaching that can reach a person. I then had a thought, perhaps a divine intervention in my thinking, I can stop worrying if I'm doing enough or doing the right things, but God will never stop, he's got his own ways, ways that humans can't work. I have shared my heart and my experiences in my spiritual journey with this person and they have not been receptive. I think I am released of this responsibility (although I know it's technically not my responsibility for this person's salvation). I will still pray for them and should an opportunity present itself to have a discussion I will engage. I will even continue to live a life that models Christ as best I can but I do not have to pour myself into this person anymore. I can move on and know that God will continue to work in His own way.

Ok so an onlooker might think my particular job was to plant the seed in this case, again I think it's hard to distinguish when it's someone you are in constant contact with. Opportunities present themselves to water, nurture, and reap so I can't just sit by and do nothing, but now I think I have done all God has asked me to do. While it might be easy for me to sit back and relax I will not. Like I stated earlier I will continue to be engaged in this person's spiritual journey but I will not carry the responsibility of the end result on my shoulders and I will use my energy for others. What's even more awesome? God will continue to work, despite my thwarted efforts, or what feels like my thwarted efforts. God will never give up!

So ultimately what does this mean for other situations or for everyone else? Well my easy answer is that it's different for each individual, but I think, based on Matthew 28:18 that we are all called to be planters, or sowers. We are called to share the gospel with everyone we meet, our relationships with those people will determine if we help nurture them to maturation or just add a little water to the new sapling. Paul had relationships that he constantly nurtured as a mentor, but he also spoke with people and after a very short time left, with no nurturing. It isn't to say that God didn't reach them in another way, but I don't think Paul felt, nor did God hold him, responsible from walking away. I see the same types of situations and relationships with Jesus and the people he encountered. Either way, we are to live a life that separates us from the norm and draws attention to God. We are to be serving in a capacity that uses the gifts God gives, puts us in uncomfortable situations, and shines light on the life of Jesus.

There's a lot to unpack with this and in no way do I feel I would've/will save this person, but God working through me. The worry I've carried on my shoulders about wondering if I've been listening to God's promptings on the right things to say, etc is gone. Perhaps my trust in letting God do the work was not what it should've been but this is where I'm at.

You eat what you reap (part 3)

The fourth soil discussed in Jesus' parable of the sower is the fertile soil that provides nutrients for a fruitful plant. This is an image of the person who hears about Jesus, accepts his teachings as truth and decides to change their lifestyle to follow these teachings. The fruit becoming the evidence that this person has changed their lifestyle, another topic of which I've had on my mind lately, but I digress.

The author of Organic Church says these are the people we should be spending our time on. Having conversations with them, helping them research the questions they have and being a good example to. This brings me back to my blog from yesterday where I ranted about the church existing for itself. Again, I do believe we need teachers to guide us and train us but at some point we all need to move on in order to grow. The teachers need to have new students and the students need to graduate and get out there by themselves. The fellowship of believers (nice church term) is necessary but I'm not sure it's primary in our spiritual growth. Yes, Jesus had his disciples of whom were his confidants, his prayer warriors, his students. But Jesus' mission was to tell people about God to those who did not know it, his disciples already knew it. And they were commissioned to "GO" just as he went.

On a different note, I struggle with the amount of work it takes to "GO". I feel like I've done a lot since my Jr. high years, short-term mission trips, local outreach service, peppered with a year of formal Christian education and an internship at my church. As the years go by I feel I have been worn down. My passion is still there, obviously, but my energy level is less than what it used to be. Working in a local neighborhood these past two years trying to help them become empowered so they are not dependent on relief efforts has been a journey to say the least. We have made many mistakes, had many setbacks, even had some wonderful things happen that were definitely spirit-led. But I am worn down. I've come to the point many times recently where I've wanted to quit. I suppose I could chalk it up to my impatient personality, I want to see some results, and I don't see them, at least not yet. This author shares his journey to working with drug dealers, gang members, and alcoholics. He has great stories and clearly God is blessing his efforts, but man, the amount of TIME and ENERGY it takes.

I realize I'm making lots of excuses, this is one reason this book has challenged me so. I've often felt in our time of working in this neighborhood, we'd be so much more effective if we lived there. A task that is not impossible, although some would see it as kind of a crazy move, but people saw Jesus as crazy right? This man, the author, helps start new house churches all over. He has close friends that help him but he is constantly seeking God. Ahhhh my heart is torn. I want to be actively seeking out God in these situations but it's hard when you've let yourself create excuses, even when those excuses are your family.

I'm at the end of my rambling....for now. I hope my questions stir another soul to seek answers at the feet of God. I challenge anyone (including myself) to get rid of the excuses and GO! If you think you aren't "called" to outreach then reread Matthew 28:17-20. Yes your job can be a place of outreach but while you are there are you actively seeking out opportunities, allowing God to direct your day or are you living your day and giving God a few moments here and there? Although, this makes me wonder about my questions of how much time do we spend trying to tend to those who are resistant? If you've been thinking of getting involved in outreach just find something and try it, you'll eventually find something that better suits your gifts and personality, but you have to start somewhere.

Here are my questions from the original blog and a few more, I can't say I have any answers as of yet but I'll be sure to share if I do and I hope anyone reading would share if they have any insight or other questions for that matter.

-How long do we work with those who are seemingly unreceptive to the gospel before we "shake the dust from our feet" and walk away?
-Isn't that giving up?
-How is this 'loving' as Jesus 'loved' the rich man?
-Are we enabling people when we work so hard to keep them at our church or in our lives trying so hard to convince them of the gospel even when they constantly reject it?
-How do we actively seek God-opportunities and "GO" when we have a responsibility to our family?
- Is it ok to stop for a while, to take a break?

You eat what you reap (part 2)

Ahhhh, I don't even know where to begin. I have so many thoughts left over from yesterday. I'm getting passionate too, so watch out!

The first soil is an example of outright rejection of Jesus. I have certainly encountered many of these people in my life time, especially during times of service. During a trip in Toronto we partnered with a group that takes sack lunches to the homeless around the city, often encountering the same people, thus building relationships and having conversations about Jesus. We helped make all the sack lunches, packed our backpacks full of them and started walking. We went in groups of about 4 and did it in the evening. I can't tell you how many times people absolutely refused the lunch and one guy even took it from us and then immediately proceeded to throw it across the street so as to let us know what he thought of it. Arguments can be made to say this has no relation to the first type of soil that is discussed but in reality these people had been so hurt not only did they not want to hear about Jesus but they didn't even want to talk to other humans. I have close friends and family members who have heard this message their whole life and still reject it, how long do I continue to attempt conversations, and efforts in sharing the message? You don't want to give up on people who are down and out and you certainly don't want to stop showing them Christ-like behavior. What about those people who will engage in conversation but have no one to talk with because we're all out trying to engage someone who doesn't want to be saved? Where should our efforts be focused?

The second soil is rocky and SHALLOW, plants grow but they soon wither up. I'm reminded of several teenagers at conferences in high school. The worship band would do an "altar call" and hundreds of teenagers would accept Christ through tears. The moment they were back at home it was life as usual. Is it the responsibility of the youth pastor or the person's friends to make sure they don't fall through the cracks and are nurtured in this new commitment? Or is it the teenager's responsibility to ask questions, to come to church more regularly to hear teaching? Most of the conferences would last at least 3 days if not a week and these teenagers are inundated with how to make a lifestyle change and yet they don't when push comes to shove. Again, what is the part of the friends who brought this person to the conference or to the youth leaders who prayed with them as they decided to live a different life?

The third soil is almost better than the first two or maybe it's worse. Plants grow but in time they are overshadowed by thorns. My original thought was that these thorns killed the plant and maybe eventually they would but the parable says, "they didn't bear grain" which seems to imply the plant was alive but it couldn't grow any fruit. So perhaps this refers to those Christians who are comfy in the pew and see no need to "GO" as Jesus commanded. The author states it this way, "They are Christians, but their true commitment is to a life of comfort more than a life of service." This is the one that gets me the most when it comes to other Christians and I certainly fall into a very judgemental state. I know I'm not perfect in this either but I know I don't have to be perfect to be out there doing what Jesus was doing. I understand people are gifted differently but those gifts are to be used in service not sitting in the pews. Sure we need teachers to train us and guide us, that is one thing I respect about the leaders in my church. However, I don't think any teacher who is in line with God would want you to just sit there forever listening, they want you to go out and use what you've learned. I have to say honestly and openly, I do not understand the thought that we need to work on ourselves first BEFORE we serve others. At what point will you be ready, then? Yes, if we are having some serious issues emotionally or physically we need to repair ourselves. Yes, there are times where we need to refuel in order to be able to offer much to others. It would seem the timeline for these repairs should be short, and who's to say God won't use your willingness to serve others as a way to grow/heal/mature. It's dangerous though when we think we need to mature spiritually before we can allow GOD to reach others through us. God doesn't need us to be perfect, he just needs us to SHOW UP!!!

I think that's enough for today, more tomorrow on the fourth type of soil Jesus mentions in this parable. Please, share your thoughts or experiences.

You reap what you sow

Mark 4:3-8

"Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, multiplying thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times."

I'm reading a book called Organic Church. It has challenged my soul which has surprised me a bit, not that I can't be challenged but I thought I'd have no questions about the content of this book. I tend to think I'm more of a "liberal; postmodern" type of believer when it comes to doing church. Organic would be a good descriptor, as I often find myself longing for the simple (i.e. no politics of the modern day churches, no excuses, or stereotypes) days of when Jesus and the apostles began these small home churches. I've only finished 5 chapters in this book of 14 and yet I find myself with questions, needing to discuss them with other believers.

A very, very brief picture of where my heart is on the issue of outreach: I've always thought that our generation has a huge task at hand when it comes to starting a revolution for Jesus, but I've also thought we have what it takes. Either we can sit by and be comfortable in our walk with Jesus, growing and pruning ourselves, eventually becoming stagnant or we can get out there and serve others, meet others where they are in life, therefore flourishing. Aside from cultural differences and our modern-day society (which I think we often use as excuses) Jesus, Paul, and the apostles were always on the move. If not from city to city than from one synagogue to the other. They went to where the people were, they didn't set up camp in one location and advertise for people to come to them. We have clearly grown comfortable and apathetic. Sure we need to be there for support and encouragement of our fellow believers but didn't Jesus say "it's not the healthy who need a doctor but the sick?" And looking at the great commission Jesus also said, "GO," I don't remember him saying "Stay". I'm not being exclusive of today's churches and how they do things....at least not all of them. I could ramble on and on but I think I've made my point.

Ok so in one particular chapter the author refers to the parable of the different soils. What I found interesting at first is that Jesus described 4 different types of soils and yet only one was fruitful. It seems to be an accurate indication of the percentage of people who will actually be fruitful; we complain about 20% of the people doing 80% of the work but Jesus knew. Another thing I've never thought of before and I'm not sure I've heard anyone teach on it, a farmer in this situation would take time to tend to the 'good soil', they wouldn't continually throw seeds onto the the other three soils hoping that at some point a plant would sprout up and flourish.

To focus more on the people that are represented by the soil I started with the very first one Jesus mentions, the "hard, unreceptive path". I think about the Pharaoh in Exodus not letting the Israelites go. He was famous for his hard heart. I often struggle with this because it says in Exodus God hardened Pharaoh's heart, would God sacrifice a soul to hell in order to save others? Clearly, this was seen in Jesus but Jesus overcame it all, do these people with hardened hearts not get a chance or does God know they will never be receptive to Him? I know this gets into predestination, although I think this specific action can exist in conjunction with free will.

Secondly, I've stumbled upon some scripture I've read before but not comprehended in this way. In Acts there were many times where Paul and the other disciples "shook the dust from their feet" and moved on from cities because the people there were simply unreceptive to the message they offered. They were the first type of soil, the hardened path. In this specific chapter the author makes a very compelling argument (seemingly aligned with scripture) that our responsibility is to share the good news not to accommodate and babysit those who reject it. Even in Mark 10:17-31 Jesus is approached by a rich man who wanted to enter the kingdom of God. Upon asking Jesus this and getting the truth from Jesus about selling his wealth, the man walked away sad. Jesus was straight with this man about how to have eternal life and the rich man didn't like the answer. Jesus turned to his followers and continued to talk to them he didn't run after this guy trying to "convince" him of selling his wealth. Jesus also didn't make accommodations for this man to keep him in his circle of followers so that at some point, maybe, he'd come around. Although, please note in verse 21 it states "Jesus looked at him and loved him."

I have several questions about all this and then I'll have to continue a different blog tomorrow on the remainder of this chapter.

How long do we work with those who are seemingly unreceptive to the gospel before we "shake the dust from our feet" and walk away?

Isn't that giving up?

How is this 'loving' as Jesus 'loved' the rich man?

Are we enabling people when we work so hard to keep them at our church or in our lives trying so hard to convince them of the gospel even when they constantly reject it?

I'm praying and seeking the answers which is what I love to do with God when I read these kinds of things. This is very much a rambling of my thoughts so it's likely unorganized and confusing but it's real.

In another place

Disclaimer: This is in no way implying I am unhappy with the many blessings I currently have. It's just an image that travels in and out of my mind.

I can smell the green of the wild grass and see the blue of the clear sky. The sun brings warmth and life to the land around me. I hear an orchestra of birds chirping as they fly through the sky or sit in the trees. There are wide open spaces for miles that are fenced in by mountain ranges on all sides. As I walk across our yard from our spacious hacienda, the presence of livestock floods my senses. I can hear the sheep bleating, waiting for their feed. The horses are snorting in their stalls with impatience. The chickens are walking in a seemingly aimless pattern looking for their fair share of grub.

My children's joyful voices come closer as they chase each other to the stables to start their chores; laughter is a constant in our household. These daily tasks become our entertainment; boring for most, enjoyable for few. On spring afternoons we like to take a family ride on the horses out to a beautiful spot of shade in the middle of God's desert; our pack mule, Lyle, loaded with a feast. On summer evenings we sit on our back porch blanketed by the dark, starry night; the sound of owls lulling us to sleep. During the monsoons we breathe in the sweet smell of the creosote bushes and listen to the Colorado River Toads call out to each other.

As the years go by we use our many blessings to bless others. We volunteer our land, our animals, or ourselves to help those in need. Our children show love to their peers by sharing their knowledge, animals, and time. They have worked with a local organization to develop a program for rehabilitation or habilitation therapy. Jon and I work with at-risk teens and adults who may need someone to encourage them and give them opportunities. These interactions are as much of a blessing to us as we could only hope they'd be for those we work with. We recognize the blessings and pay it forward. The legacy our family builds remains to honor God.

Sure, we have snakes that make their way onto our back porch or spiders that crawl out of a corner in our rooms. There are times where our animals fall victim to an incurable illness or hungry prey. The kids will have a fight which keeps them from speaking to each other for a day or two or even more serious, a family tragedy that will take us away from this peaceful life but we take it all in stride, knowing God has carried us through many a hardships. We know our children will grow up appreciating the gifts God has given us in nature, in animals, through hard work, and in family.

I've always loved the outdoors and have thought it would be fun to have at least a few horses or other livestock animals. Of course I don't really know, I very well could hate it all after the first few days or I could actually enjoy it. The closest I've ever been to experiencing that is owning a few chicks in elementary school from my brother's classroom project. Once they were full grown we had to give them to someone who was actually legally allowed to have them in their yard. Jon and I have talked about the idea of giving our children the opportunity to be in 4-H, but we'll see how God works things out for our future.

All that to say, again, this is just a thought I have every now and then, what if? I love where we are in our life and certainly feel blessed. I know that even if I lived in this life that I described above it wouldn't be all roses.

What would your 'other place' be like?

Month 10

My little girl seems so big these days. Jon and I have predicted that she will be walking before her first birthday, anyone wanna take bets? She is mobile and yes, it does keep me busy but that's in my job description so I don't mind one bit. We have a little toy box in the living room and she loves to stand up and reach into it. We're waiting for the day she actually falls into it.

*She pulls up and sort of walks around the coffee table.

*She has found various ways to sit back down from standing. They include: doing a slow version of the splits, putting one hand down on the ground first and then sitting, falling on her butt, or just a slow regular crouch until her butt hits something she can sit on, this may include other babies.

*She will now follow us if we leave the room, however she is often distracted by things on the way.

*She will crawl at a fast rate with her head down, resulting in a bonked head.

*She is slowly learning the word "no"

*She is clapping

*She is playing peek-a-boo by covering her face by herself and then dropping the blanket

*She LOVES to dance. Any hint of music or song and she is cuttin' some rug, even if she's in the middle of a crawl.

*She likes to knock on our back door using her fingertips

*She likes to chew on the bottom of her sippy cup and on occasion take a drink.

*She discovered grass for the first time this weekend and while it took her a while to move, she eventually overcame the feeling and crawled away.

*She is part of her first softball team, The Defenders!

She's a growing girl, that's for sure!

Writer's blocks

I like to think of them not so much as blocks but stepping stones. I'm three lessons into my writing program and the excitement and anxiety builds with each lesson. I've had to already research information on different publications that I might publish an article in. WHAT??? I'm not ready to publish an article in a widely read publication. Even our local newspaper seems above me as a novice writer. Not to mention magazines such as Better Homes and Gardens. In my second lesson I was asked to jot down some ideas I'd like to write about and then start research on it. I was tempted to pick a poem, it seemed the easy way out. However, I decided I should just jump into it, so I said I'd start working on an article. WHAT??? I don't know the first thing about interviewing people.

I started thinking maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew with this program. In the first two lessons I'm encouraged to look at getting published. Maybe I'm not ready to be a published author. But if someone wants to offer me a book deal, I'd go for it! Maybe the problem is I don't have the passion or confidence to write non-fiction articles. I don't know what steps to take to interview someone, as far as giving credit and asking good questions. I also don't feel like I have credibility to write on anything non-fiction and that's what readers want right? Stepping stone number 1: overcoming this anxiety of not knowing enough.

As I completed my 3rd lesson it was more geared toward the craft of writing, which is what I was looking for. I'm excited to begin writing stories with interesting plots and intriguing characters. I mentioned earlier this program has a conference every year for members and non-members to attend. They have famous authors and Christians that speak. This year they had Max Lucado and Phil Vischer (Veggie Tales creator). They also have editors and publishers there from various companies you can set meetings up with. Jon and I talked about going and when I looked up the prices for everything last night it would cost us about $2000!! And that's not including any fun, sight-seeing time. A little more than we would like to spend but I guess we have a whole year to save for it! Stepping stone number 2: attending workshops and conferences. Stepping stone number 3: using my excitement as fuel to continue through the less desirable parts.

I've got a long difficult road ahead of me; a road full of rejection, hard work, writing, and rewriting, but I'm willing to travel it. If for nothing else to be able to share the knowledge I gain with others and grow as an individual.