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You know how it goes, everyone has been there. You get the party invitation, or maybe a wedding invitation, in the mail specifically stating an RSVP date. I'll get to this later, you think and hang it up on your fridge. Your relaxing at home on a Friday night and all of a sudden you realize tomorrow is the big event and you haven't said one word to the host about coming. As a guest, it's not really a big deal, most guests plan spontaneously, but as the host, IT'S A BIG DEAL!

I've done it several times all for different reasons, waiting to respond. Sometimes I'm not real crazy about the event so I wait to see if something better turns up. How rude is that? I've also just plain forgotten to RSVP, which seems slightly less rude. Other times I just can't commit, what's the big deal? There's also the time when another event is tentatively planned at the same time so I wait to see how things pan out. This one is definitely beyond the guests control most of the time. After hosting many more parties for our daughter, friends' baby showers, and various other gatherings, I've become increasingly frustrated with RSVP's, thus inspiring me to be a better guest.

Clearly there's a reason for needing guests to RSVP. I'd bet 95% of the time it is for the hosts to know how much food, supplies, or seats to have. I think that's reasonable, to ask guests to say 'yes' or 'no' a few days ahead of time. The other 5% of the time I'm sure it's just to see who is coming.

What's the big deal? Let's start with kid birthday parties. Most parties for little kids have favors or crafts. If you're anything like me you like to have fun, functional items as opposed to useless items for parents to have to clean up after. This takes planning (especially on a budget). So when I find out the day before a party that FOUR extra kids are coming, I have to figure out what to give them to be fair. Or I have to make sure I have enough craft supplies for each kid. It's tempting not to get anything for those kids due to their parent's inability to RSVP, but alas I don't want to punish the kids for that.

Weddings. I think this one is pretty obvious. Lots of money, lots of people, whoever is paying needs to know!

Any event requiring supplies, food, or reservations generally requires a head count. I've even given guests up until two days before the event and even that is too soon for some of them to make a commitment. Why? Why do we, as a culture, have such an issue with committing to things? Especially things our friends put on. We know we aren't going to be doing anything on Saturday night anyway. If you're really up in the air about whether or not you want to go, then just don't go and let the guest know.

Another aspect of RSVP's that is baffling is when guests give no response at all thinking they're just saying 'no'. The English translation of RSVP is 'please respond' so unless specifically stated guests should be responding with 'yes' or 'no'. If a guest hasn't responded then I assume they haven't seen the invitation so I start bugging them. This just makes it awkward for everyone.

I really feel this is a reflection of one's character, as silly as it may seem, and what they think of the host. Not responding at all seems to indicate the host is not someone the guests have respect for or waiting to respond seems to indicate a guest who is afraid of committing to anything. Overall I think it's selfish and I have been guilty of it.

Now I'm working on responding right away to things. If I can't then I let the host know and work to settle any issues that may be preventing me from committing as soon as possible.

If you're one of those late or non-RSVPers, like I was, I encourage you to be considerate of the hosts and why they're asking for a reply. They were kind enough to invite you to their big event, be kind enough to give a prompt reply. Maybe we should change it from RSVP to Please commit.