Sum, Sum, Summer time!

Ahhhh, summer time brings a sense of newness and fun for me. It's never long enough (although I will admit I look forward to the cold mainly because it means the holidays are coming, but once they're gone I'm ready for the summer). Many people think I'm crazy for liking summer time since I live in Tucson, but I think it was all the memories I had of summer growing up that makes it something I look forward to. The smell of our swamp cooler running for the first time that year, countless days of swimming, and the freedom to lounge around at home.

The middle of May brought the end of the school year and yet another year of freedom in the outdoors. There were always lake trips with friends and family. Sometimes the kids would sleep outside next to the water on our inflatable island. First thing in the morning we'd shove down a few powdered doughnuts and a Capri Sun and head off to do some knee boarding before the water got too choppy (that means rough for anyone who didn't know). We'd then come back to camp chow down on our second round of breakfast and then head back out for more water play. By the afternoons the water had been stirred up by boats, skiers and the wind that we would take a break under the shade or play king of the island on our giant inflatable island. We'd come back sun burnt and with chapped skin from being in our bathing suits 24/7, grinning from ear to ear. Other summer vacation destinations would include camping in the White Mountains.

Lazy days at home were great for reading, watching movies, playing inside or heading out to swim at a friends house or at the city pool. In the afternoon, usually right before dinner, I'd hear the familiar song of the ice cream truck off in the distance. This was the time of day where the concrete and asphalt had had just enough time to reach scorching temperatures. I'd immediately stop what I was doing, scrounge up $0.75 and run barefooted, down the street after the truck. I'd stand, or hop rather, on the hot asphalt to order a sno-cone, and it usually came with a piece of bubble-gum at the bottom. Only the gum would last like 3 chews and then it would disintegrate. The afternoons were also good for naps. The quiet hum of the swamp cooler always sang me to sleep.

There were those days of course, that my mom took advantage of us being home. She'd tell us the night before that we'd be waking up bright and early to help pull weeds. Although once we were finished we'd hook up our slip 'n slide and cool off. There was also one summer our TV had broken. We didn't have the money to buy a new one right away so my mom went out and bought us notebooks to journal in, activity books to work on and a few new games to play. While my brother and I were greatly disgruntled over the matter we quickly adjusted and still had a great summer.

Sleepovers, riding our bicycles to Dairy Queen, and playing in our sandbox are just a few other summer activities. So many memories of the hot Tucson summers, I only hope there are more to come!

I'm a year old!

Ok, so this post is not about Hadley, her's is next week on her actual birthday. This post is going to be for me. I am a year old mother who has successfully, though not without stumbling, made it through the first year of parenting. SIGH! Wow! It feels great! I know I've said this before in previous blogs but I'm glad to have made it past the first year with my first child. I enjoyed every minute of being home with Hadley and watching her grow, although there were times where I did want time to go just a tad faster so I could relax a little.

I was such a laid back person. It would take a lot to stress me out UNTIL I had a baby. Sometimes I don't know if it's because I'm at home all the time so I just have more time to dwell on things or if it really does come with motherhood. I had no worries of post-partum depression but I had serious worries of becoming an over-protective, over-bearing mother who wouldn't let anyone else touch her baby until she was at least 5. I think I've come a long way. I haven't felt like I need time away from Hadley, but maybe that will come. I can't claim that it isn't nice to be out running errands without her but if I had to choose, I'd take her with me.

The worries and lessons of months 1-3: Breastfeeding was a HUGE issue and that consumed me for a good part of the first month. With Jon's great support and our perseverance it all paid off but not without lots of crying, pain, and worrying. I realized my mental state was far more important than breast milk so I was about to start formula feeding. Thank God for things improving. Crying was another major issue. The nurses and doctors tell you it's their only way for communicating for EVERYTHING so somehow I'm supposed to decode it and fix it. (enter buzzer noise here) Nice Try! While the crying itself was wearing after a while the worst part was I felt I had to give Hadley something but I had no clue what it was. The lesson learned here, STAY CALM and just try everything, eventually something will work and everyone will be happy again. It was also evident that babies just have bad days, like adults. They just need someone there to comfort them.

The worries and lessons for months 4-6: Eating again became an issue, luckily we were given the green light at her 4 month check up to start solid foods. I became more worried about myself in regards to letting other people take care of Hadley. It wasn't that I didn't trust them, or maybe it was, but I always felt like I know what she likes, I know her routine so why don't we just keep it that way so everyone is happy. Not only that but I took a lot of advice too personal. I always felt when people gave me advice they were implying whatever I was doing wasn't working or they were implying that I had absolutely no clue whatsoever. Like I didn't have access to the internet and millions of books out there to tell me what to expect. I've learned people offer advice to make things easier on me and even if it is an implication they don't think I'm doing a good job, I know I am and I'm proud of how Hadley is growing up so it doesn't really matter. Really the only other worry I had was over providing Hadley with toys or activities that would stimulate her little brain. I want to provide those for her but I also know she'll learn as she goes, after all she is only 1 (well almost).

The worries and lessons for months 7-9: Are we feeding her enough varieties of food? I know breastmilk/formula is really supposed to be their primary source of nutrition anyway, but I want to make sure she's getting what she needs and developing a palate for a variety of foods, unlike her mother who has a selective palate. We were a little worried about the crawling but it came in the blink of an eye one day. I've really had to stop myself from comparing Hadley to other babies when it comes to development, she's still in the normal range of development so I can CALM DOWN!

The worries and lessons for months 10-12: Are we feeding her enough varieties of food? Are we offering her enough toys or activities to stimulate brain and language development? Are we helping her shape her behavior to be respectful, kind, caring? I think the answer to all these are yes, but it's so hard not to question.

You can see just by the lengths of paragraphs that I really worried a lot about things when Hadley was first born, that's why I'm glad to be past it all. I feel a lot more relaxed now. Handing her off to someone else for babysitting is a lot less stressful because Hadley adapts easier. We've got the sleep thing down and she is an EXCELLENT sleeper! I'm a big supporter of regular routines for babies, I think it's beneficial in many ways. That's not to say a little variety isn't good, but I think while babies are first learning to sleep, eat, and grow they need some constants in their day to day life. I also think it helps them adapt better as they get older because they know life can go back to normal when the craziness is over.

I've loved every minute of this past year. I'm so thankful for my wonderful teammate and best friend, my husband, for all the energy he pours into our daughter and into supporting me. I praise God for a relatively good year and for all the lessons He continues to teach me. I can't wait for this next year. I know we'll still be working on Hadley walking and helping her learn to talk. The teacher in me may make an appearance as she starts learning to talk. All in all I anticipate it only getting better!

Overload

My brain is overloaded. Have you ever been there? You've processed so much that you think one more firing of a synapse and your brain might possibly just shut down. I'm not talking about information overload so much, although that too can take it's toll. This kind of overload calls in the emotions. You start to question if you really might be taking crazy pills (Zoolander reference). You feel as though your very being is calling into question the existence of itself. There are brief moments where I think I just might wake up and be like Jim Carrey in the movie, The Truman Show, realizing it's all just a hoax. My brain and my soul feel like they are waging a war against each other.

For me this time comes when I get stuck in those gray areas of life. Where morals seem to get blurry and opinions are being thrown around. A place where life becomes a game of "he said, she said." My soul feels torn in these moments. I question God. I don't question His existence or His sovereignty. I question Him on the why's, on the when's, and the how's. I suppose that's a silver lining in it all, I converse with my Heavenly Father. Being a phlegmatic, I sometimes would rather not have the freedom God has given us, I'd rather He just take control so I wouldn't have to worry about the ups and downs of life. (Reality check, I know this plan wouldn't work but it's something I think about.)

These are times when people seem so irrational in their thinking, I don't even know how to respond. These are times when people start arguing over politics. These are times when I am made to feel guilty for something absolutely ridiculous. These are times when someone asks me a question that may possibly be a deal breaker for them in their salvation but in reality should have no bearing on it at all. These are the times when I start to think I'm better than others.

The human in me wants to give up. The human in me wants to yell right back or post a status update on Facebook that will really stick it to them. The human in me stops caring what other people think. The human in me wants people to get what's coming to them. The human in me tells me I've failed. The human in me is selfish and unloving.

The Spirit in me cries for the hurting souls. The Spirit in me keeps going and keeps trying. The Spirit in me seeks to make amends. The Spirit in me helps me look to God for answers. The Spirit in me guides me in daily decisions. The Spirit in me grows my soul to be closer with God.

The Spirit in me takes me to a place where I can unload. A place where I can feel secure in who God desires me to be. If I ever get to a point where it's as if one more feeling will make my soul crumble, or one more thought my brain explode, I go to a place where Jesus sits. I sit with Him and we talk it all out. He reminds me life is short, so I need to do my best. He reminds me that He left the Spirit to help me with these kinds of moments. I have felt His arms wrapped around me and I have heard His voice tell me, "Life down there sucks sometimes, but you're going to do just fine. And when it's all over, you and I can sit and talk for eternity."

True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction. (Psalm 23:3, The Message)

A penny for your thoughtfulness

I've always thought of myself to be caring towards others. In an act of service or gift giving towards another my intentions were always to show that I cared for them. I will admit that there have been times I had selfish intentions. I was hoping they'd see how good of a friend I was or simply wanted to show off for others. While it's embarrassing for me to write about my selfishness it's humbling. I need to realize my short-comings and work on making them better.

Lately, there have been many situations where I've had opportunities to care for people, whether by asking how their day went or by remembering a special event in their lives. Sadly, I have not lived up to my own expectations of being thoughtful. I feel as though not being thoughtful is a sign of not listening to an other's life. Perhaps I'm not taking the time to really hear what's going on in a friends heart.

There are times where I walk away from someone and after returning home I all of sudden think of something I should have done to be thoughtful. For example, saying, "I'll be praying for you" or actually doing it. Instances have happened where I had forgotten about an important event in that persons life, or unimportant for that matter, that I could have asked about. Telling a girlfriend that they were wearing a cute shirt or that their hair looked nice always makes a woman feel good. Just being curious to what's happening in their life, I think, displays thoughtfulness.

I don't know enough about the development of personalities but it seems some people are naturals at being thoughtful, just as some people are naturals at solving logic puzzles. Is it a person's environment they grow up in or is it just a matter of genes that molds and shapes their character? Either way, I feel thoughtfulness is not a strong point for me.

It can be argued that I'm being a little hard on myself, but I see this as an opportunity to be a better friend and sharpen my character. Being a person who likes to put ideas into action I'm going to start being more intentional on a daily basis. Here are some ideas I have and I'd like to hear ways in which you are thoughtful!

Send out 'thinking of you' cards/emails

Plan get-togethers

Focus on one specific event in a friends life and ask them about it next time I see them

Listen

Ask questions about how someone is feeling

Take notice of something and comment on it

Those are my initial thoughts....I need more though so let me have it!!!

I like to be a person of action so I'm going to take this and put it to use. Here are some things I've thought of to be intentionally thoughtful:

Month 11

Another month gone, another tooth in. Hadley had her fourth tooth break through on her 11 month birthday. She's still crawling like crazy, even faster I think now. She's also a little obstinate at times, which makes me wonder what the '2's' will be like. I've also noticed Hadley is a taker when it comes to toys. She could have her favorite toy in her hand but when another baby picks up something different she'll take it away. We're working on sharing, if 11 month olds even comprehend sharing. She's kind of a bully too sometimes and I don't know where she gets it. It must be a first born thing because I don't see that in either Jon or myself but we're both the youngest in our families.

She had her first zoo trip last month and actually seemed interested in the animals. We've also made lots of park trips recently and while it took her a while to get off the blanket on to the grass she took off crawling in the wide open space. I've also realized how hard it is to feed a baby who is not strapped in. We continue to try new foods which seems sort of hard. I really don't want to buy the all the 'baby food' entrees by Gerber because I think it's just a scam to spend more money so I try to feed her what we're eating. The problem with that is she doesn't chew very well so anything that requires chewing becomes a choking nuisance. I also gave her some macaroni on Easter from a macaroni salad and she had little bumps break out on her hands, nothing around her mouth though. We had to break up a little Benadryl pill, then crush it into powder and shove it in her mouth to prevent any possible bad reaction. I also wiped her hands off and put some ice on them to help with the itching. The bumps went away pretty quickly, luckily. So we're not sure what it was. There were eggs in the macaroni salad, but I know she didn't ingest any. If it was eggs I would have expected to see bumps around her mouth or something in her mouth but there wasn't anything, just on her hands. I came to the conclusion that perhaps her skin was dry and irritated from self-feeding and thumb sucking so there was something in the salad that irritated the skin. I hope it wasn't an allergic reaction to anything! Needless to say I'm ready for her 1 year birthday so we can start trying different things.

She's getting a little more interested in walking while we hold her hands. She'll actually bend her knees a little instead of drag her feet. My bet that she'll be walking by her first birthday is starting to look like a bad bet, maybe I was a little too ambitious. We're starting to get ready for her first birthday. While we have invited a lot of people we hope to keep it pretty simple; no present opening at the party, no fancy decorations, food from costco and some bubbles. It should be a fun afternoon!

I feel the need...the need to blog

I've been enjoying blogging the last few weeks. It actually helped me in my writing homework this week. I was able to use paragraphs from 3 separate entries which showed different writing styles. Apparently they were all good because my mentor didn't have much to change on them.

I've been torn about what to write on for my next blog entry so I'll write some randomness.

This week has been incredibly busy which results in me getting sick. I had a meeting with our neighborhood transformation team (it actually was just one member from the team; the others couldn't make it.) It went well but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with the task at hand. After reading through Organic Church I was encouraged and reminded that I need to do outreach/ministry WITH God, not for God. He is so much better at it, I don't know why I try to take over. I was also reminded that we need to be in constant prayer about this neighborhood and the people in it. God is already working and we need to be aware of that.

Jon and I are working on our budget, it's hard. Dave Ramsey likens it to a diet, or a healthy lifestyle. When it comes to food it's so much harder to control than money. Nonetheless, we are doing pretty well with it. We've even talked about changing some of our future plans as far as the house, etc. We'll see how it works out. God has ALWAYS blessed us when it comes to finances, it's never something I've been worried about. Sure, we've had to sacrifice a few things here or there once in a while and now we are making huge sacrifices, but God continues to take care of us and I know he always will.

I finished up the book of Romans this week as part of the Bible Reading Challenge at church. I suppose it's the writing style of the eastern world but sometimes I get lost in Paul's language. I do have to say towards the end of the book there were some truths I walked away with. Here they are in a nutshell:

Romans 12:1 There are different ways to worship besides singing

Romans 12:2 If you renew your mind and thoughts you will be able to test the Lord's will

Romans 12:21 We CAN overcome evil by being good

Romans 13:1 The people in authority are ordained by God, no matter who they are

Romans 14:1 Accept him whose faith is weak, God has already accepted him.

Romans 14:20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food….let go of the little things and stop bickering!

I got a few new books this week, both of which I'm very excited about. I bought Martha Stewart's Encyclopedia of Sewing and Fabric Crafts. I now have a gillion projects to get to work on!! I really don't like Martha Stewart that much as a person, she always seems very mean on her show but she's so darn crafty!! I also bought the first book in The Jesus Chronicles: John's Story written by Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye. They have four books out based on the four gospels. If this first one is interesting I plan to read all four in the series!

I suppose I will end my ramblings there for now. And while I thought it was all randomness I noticed a common thread between all the paragraphs, books inspire me!

I leave you with a question so please respond!

What do you like to read about on blogs? People's lives? Meditative topics? How-to?

How He Loves Us...

Do this in remembrance of me....

They had him flogged. The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, "Hail, king of the Jews!" And they struck him in the face.

They shouted, "Crucify! Crucify!"

Carrying his own cross, he went out to the place of the Skull (which in Aramaic is called Golgotha).

Remember me when you come into your kingdom.

"I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

"I am thirsty."

A jar of wine vinegar was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to his lips.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

He said, "It is finished."

The men said, "Why are you looking for the Living One in a cemetery? He is not here, but alive!"

I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw ... someone "like a son of man," dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest. His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance. There, also before me, was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. On his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:

KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

"Don't fear: I am First, I am Last, I'm Alive. I died, but I came to life, and my life is now forever. See these keys in my hand? They open and lock Death's doors, they open and lock Hell's gates. "

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come. He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves us, Oh how He loves.

That's my King! I wonder....do you know him? (click link)