Washington, DC - Just this week Congress passed a law for all parents to be compensated for hazardous duty pay. Certain military personnel rightfully receive a hazardous duty incentive pay for their dangerous positions defending America and now parents will join the ranks.
Cara Hasbrouck, mother of a 22 month old girl, pushed for the compensation to be signed into law. "People without kids may not realize the danger parents put themselves in every day to nurture the lives of the upcoming generations. It really is a war zone out there." The Hasbroucks and other parents around the nation banded together to bring awareness to the situation through their coalition aptly named Parents for Hazardous Pay (aka PHazP). John Smith of Columbus, Ohio says, "If society expects us to raise the next cancer-fighting doctor or the future President of America, we're going to need some support."
What exactly is so hazardous about raising kids? "You don't know what might come at you," shares Lisa Green of Cheyenne Wyoming. "My husband takes hits from all sides and angles in his groin. I've broken an ankle after stepping on one of their toys and sliding down the stairs in the middle of the night. And don't get me started about the damage done by breast-feeding those little rug rats."
In their presentation to Congress PHazP shared evidence that even from day one, newborns wreak havoc on the world around them. "Never mind the fact that a woman has just given birth to a mere 8 lb. human (and that's just the average weight) and both parents lose more sleep in the next 3 months than they ever got in the previous 18 or more years. Infants, toddlers, children, and teenagers can each cause destruction to the health of their care-takers. From being punched, slapped, flicked, and or kicked in the groin or other sensitive areas, to gouged out eyes, pulled on lips and hair, shredded nipples, scratched faces, head-butted noses, sore feet from toys, ripped ear lobes from pulled on earrings, heart-attacks from beginning drivers and broken hearts in empty-nesters. There is a plethora of damage done to a parent's well being."
PHazP is seeking any sort of compensation available. Tax refunds, discounted hospital or doctor visits, or a weekly check. "Really anything would do. We're just looking to get the word out there about the hazards of raising the future generation," Hasbrouck says. And Congress agreed. While all the details have yet to be determined on how the actual compensation occurs, they all at least agreed on one thing: being a parent is dangerous.
When asked why anyone would have a kid after hearing about this, the entire group agreed, "Because without them life would be just a little more boring and empty. We love our kids even if it means to death from slipping on the one forgotten marble in the middle of the night."
Being a parent is dangerous, because you end up loving your child so much you would do just about anything for them.
2 comments:
Looks to me like you found your humorous inspiration in a painful fingernail to eye injury :-)
Yes, this is what I thought. Too bad I already sent the assignment off with a mediocre article. :(
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